Woke Up Like This

by Amy Lea

“Hate to break it to you, but adulthood is just a never-ending cycle of chores, obligations, googling how to fix stuff, and spending money on things you hate. Like sponges and dish detergent.”

“My point is, I spend half the time pretending to know what I’m doing, and the other half ignoring all my problems and hoping they’ll disappear. Spoiler alert: they do not.

“You really need to let that go. Your idea sucked. Deal with it. And everyone else loves Under the Sea,” he brags. “Not me.” “This sounds like a good villain origin story,” he says. “It is pretty good,” I agree, drumming my chin, then flicking my gaze back to him. “You’ll be my first victim.” “Wouldn’t expect anything less. Just don’t ruin my face. I’d like to have an open-casket funeral.” “Of course you would. And a horse-drawn carriage to cart your body through town too, right?” “A gold stagecoach could work, yes.”

“Customer service sucks. I’m sure she’d rather be at home with her family, if she has one. If I have the luxury of going home, why not try to raise her spirits?” He asks like it’s a no-brainer. Something everyone should just do.