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Penny kisses Cooper’s cheek. He pulls her closer, rocking her as he rests his chin on her head, an unconscious motion. I swallow my spark of jealousy. When James found Bex, it made sense—he’s always been meant for a big love. The soulmate of a wife, kids, the white picket fence, the dog. When Cooper found Penny, it was a surprise to everyone, but it clearly suits him, having one person to focus on, one person to love. I’ve never seen him happier, which makes it worse, the way I miss being casual players together.
Mia would know these constellations. Slap. She said she’d go to dinner with me. Slap. I thought she liked me. Slap. I liked her. Slap. I could have seen myself loving her. Slap. She left.
Maybe I did love her. Not consciously, not completely, not in the way my brothers have given themselves to their partners—but something pretty fucking close. Maybe I mistook the way she touched me, the way she kissed me, for real affection, when it was just another mask.
When I hang up, I immediately scrub my hands over my face. Interview. Photoshoot. Video segment. Individually, they sound terrible, but together? What a torture fest. I’m not good at talking about myself, anyway. She’d be better off just airing some footage from a game.
I have the skills for my sport, and the work ethic, but I don’t know where the fire went.
No one tells you how much it sucks, sometimes, when your best friend falls in love.
Penny has seen me shirtless before, thanks to the perils of roommate life, but I could have lived without flashing Cooper.
Mia is the kind of person who would rather die than back down once she’s made up her mind about something. The trick is to surprise her, to get under her skin in a way she can’t ignore. She might be toying with me, but she has her own weaknesses. Poking her—so she’ll poke me back, and we can tussle—makes me feel alive in a way I never have before.
Whenever I talk to my mom I want to scream at her, because she loves me so much but in all the wrong ways.”
