The Eye of the Bedlam Bride (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #6)

by Matt Dinniman

Your area is seeded with mobs and bosses and legendary creatures that are exclusive to the folklore of the region in which you inhabit. For example, those of you in Romania will be dealing with vampires and werewolves. Those of you in Ireland will have leprechauns and banshees. Those of you in Japan are just plain fucked.

“They say the sincerest form of flattery is when someone copies you.” Donut scoffed. “No, Carl. That’s just something thieves say to make themselves feel better about stealing other people’s stuff. The sincerest form of flattery is when people cry when they meet you.”

“We’re not going to be talking about politics,” I said. “That’s not why we’re here. Nothing ever good comes from talking politics, especially when neither of us know what the hell we’re talking about it.”

Look, I don’t know why you guys are so jumpy, but if that’s how you feel, we have a big, wide area to explore here.” I pointed south into the city. “We’ll go that way, and you three can go fuck yourselves off wherever you want.”

I reached up to pet the cat. “There’s nothing wrong with being religious or spiritual, Donut. Bautista and Imani are both really religious.” I didn’t add that half the authors of the cookbook were also deeply pious, though their faiths were as varied as the stars in the sky. “But it’s like anything. Some people take it too far. Some people get a little carried away, and they get so caught up in the rules that they end up forgetting what their faith teaches. Sister Ines acts strong, but I think she’s overwhelmed. The idea of ‘worshipping’ deities, even in this environment, upsets her. Either way, it’s a sensitive subject for some people, and it’s not really our business. We don’t know what’s going on in her head. It’s not our place to judge her for it.”

“Run little ones, run through the cities. Uhhh.” She whimpered uncertainly. “Carl loves a lady with really nice titties!” Your party’s dexterity boost has been canceled because your bard can’t hold a tune. For everyone’s sake, she’s been muted from singing for five minutes.