The Eye of the Bedlam Bride (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #6)

by Matt Dinniman

“Bautista can change shape now, too? I bet he and Katia will be having some really weird sex,” Donut said.

“Yeah,” I said. “Wait until I receive a legendary spay-your-cat-at-home kit.”

NO WONDER THESE GUYS WEREN’T IN THE TOP FIFTY. WHO WANTS TO LISTEN TO A FAKE CAT RECITE STUPID CHURCH POETRY ALL DAY? Carl: Yeah, it’d be almost as bad as listening to a real cat sing.

“Did... did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?” “I’m going to do it again if you don’t let me in.”

“I’m pretty sure that was Idaho, not Iowa.” “That’s practically the same thing, Carl.”

“I didn’t realize you’d actually get that thing to work. Are you planning on growing a mullet as well? Are there any Waffle Houses between here and there? Maybe we can stop and get into a brawl, but only after you bounce a few child support payment checks first.”

“Mér líkar ekki úlpan þín,”

Quan Ch, with over sixty player killer skulls, was dead. Finally dead.

WHY DIDN’T YOUR MOTHER DRIBBLE YOU BACK OUT ONTO THE TRUCK STOP BATHROOM FLOOR, REZAN?

“I think I just shit myself,” Louis said, panting.

“I am the current reigning champion Persian cat in the galaxy. I have received more trophies and purple ribbons than anyone alive. And most importantly, I am a warlord of the Princess Posse Faction Wars team.” She turned to regard me. “Yes, Carl. I got this.”

“I am not a carnival ride, Carl! I will not... Okay, that does sound like fun. Hang on.”