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June 13 - December 13, 2025
I grabbed Bomo by the shoulder. The rock creature had taken a glob of soap bubbles and put it on top of his head.
I can stop it, she said. This time, the words were in my head, yet I could feel her lips near my right ear. I could smell her, despite her being across the room. How loud is it, Carl? How deep is it? I can drain it all away. I see it, too, yet another voice said,
She can’t heal a canyon that’s dug this deep. I can. It’s not what you think it is. You’re just like me, Carl. I can help you. You’re just like me.
“Stay away from my daddy!” the slug cried with a tiny, high-pitched voice.
I gave a sidelong glance at Donut, wondering. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, Carl,” Donut said. “I don’t have that skill.
When it happened, the papers called her El Segador de La Habana. The Reaper of Havana.” “A murderer,” I said, a chill washing over me. “Mongo,” Donut said matter-of-factly. “Eat the nun.”
SHE KILLED NUNS, CARL. THAT’S ALMOST AS BAD AS KILLING KITTENS.
“No,” Sister Ines shouted, her voice suddenly angry. “No! You’re not leaving.” She suddenly had a flag in her hand. Holy shit, I thought. She’s not going to... She jabbed it right into Paz’s neck. The movement was so fast, so sudden it didn’t occur to me to try to stop her. Whoom. Paz turned into a card.
Temporary effect from Eileithyia: All damage you strike against female opponents is quartered. All female members of your party strike with a melee power of 500%. Girl power, bitches!
The ram just stared at my leg with the blood pouring from it. He had the door open just a crack. “Did... did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?” “I’m going to do it again if you don’t let me in.”
You are a martyr of Emberus,
The blessed Oak Mother. She is both his mother and his sister-in-law. Memorial crystals only form when a god has died. Apito lives, yet there is a crystal made by her. How is that possible? You must investigate this.”
“Are... are you the AI?
You can’t un-murder a convent of nuns,
“Donut,” Katia said, sitting down next to her. She put her hand against Donut’s fuzzy face, and Donut pressed into it. “I need to tell you a story. It’s very scary, but the ending isn’t set in stone yet. We’re going to fight to make sure it doesn’t have a bad ending.”
“It was Eva,” Katia said. “She did it at the last minute, right before she died. It was my fault. I’d talked when I should’ve just killed her.” “You were monologuing?” Donut asked quietly. “You know we don’t monologue, Katia.” “I know. It’s my fault.”
“Ahh, what’s in the box? What’s in the fucking box?”
the Kinder Facility located in the former city of Mumbai, India on the surface of the planet.
I only tolerate Carl because he’s family.”
“What?” Donut asked. “He never told me that! This is an outrage! Why would a stripper lie to me?”
or she has enlisted a family member to assist her with her task.
“She’s a Havana brown and a nun murderer. I don’t even know which of those two things is worse.
Like I’d let a fake cat sneak up on me.
I hoped, for their sake, that all of these children were inside at the time. That was a really fucked up thing to think, I said to myself. But was it? Was it?
“Thanks!” I said, and I flipped her a coin. She let it clatter to the floor.
She gasped. “Drugs? Is it drugs? And you’ve turned to prostitution? Is that why you’re dressing like that? You’re going to have to get much better at your makeup if you want to earn enough to pay us back.”
“Oh, honey. I know you know who I am. We did humiliate you and your brother more times than I can count. Your mother never got the chance to meet me, though, did she? Is she here? I’d be happy to sign an autograph for her... oh wait.”
“Does that mean when I kill the royal family and take it over, you’ll work for me?” Donut asked. The grin didn’t leave his face. “Yes, if I am still alive. I will be honor-bound to follow you. Or your companion, Katia.”
I turned to the woman grinning at me. “Hello, Juice Box. I see you’ve been busy.”
“I am my own team, thank you very much, but I’m glad you brought that up, baldie. I’ve been listening to all y’all talk. I know how this works now. I know what I am. I only understood part of it before, but I get it now. I see the whole picture. I know what I am, and I know what you are.” She turned into the faceless, default form of a changeling. “I’m my own team,” she repeated.
We only needed to kill five a day between the two of us, but Donut was taking great pride in slaughtering them by the dozens. She would cast Why are you hitting yourself? on one and laugh and laugh as it spun in circles, trying to bite itself. It was kind of fucked up, but it was also training the spell.
I was simultaneously copying to the cookbook and to Pony in chat, who didn’t even thank me. He only responded when I inquired if he was actually getting my messages, and even then he only responded to point out a few typos in my translation.
HeyZoos. Uzi Jesus. “I am the way, motherfucker.”
She had a collection of literally hundreds of hats in her inventory.
She even started decorating the personal space with a few hats here and there. It made me happy to see she had a hobby of sorts, even if most of them were basically hunting trophies.
Entering the Penis Parade. I took another step, and a second notification flashed across my interface. New Achievement! “We Want Meat! We Want Meat!”
It wasn’t until the disco era did some entrepreneurs start to realize that packs of women were a valid demographic in the lucrative art of taking money from horny people.
Reward: You’ve received 10 gold pieces to use as tips. I heard some of them let you stuff the gold directly into their g-strings. Oh hell, I’ve thrown in a bottle of hand sanitizer, too.
The name floating over the dancer was Author Steve Rowland. Level 50 Forest Troll.
authors IRL friend, thats so funny
The name over his head was Dong Quixote. Level 45 Human.
That doesn’t make him good or bad, any more than a guy who jacks off to granny porn is bad. Actually, I’m not sure where I’m going with this.
Entering the Guild of Suffering. Welcome, spider. Welcome home.
Why was the union broken so easily? Because they were out in the open. They were playing by the rules. How can you win a deliberately unfair game when the rules are written by your opponent? The answer is you can’t. You will never win. Not as long as you follow their arbitrary guidelines. This is a new lesson to me. She’s been teaching me so many things, about who I am. About what I am. What I really am. About what must be done.
But that’s just life. At least they fucking tried. They died with their boots on, as much as I hate that expression. They died with their boots on for their people, their family, not for some rich, nameless organization that gives no shits whether they live or die. Or go extinct. Or are trapped for a millennia after they’re done being used. In my opinion, that’s the only type of society that’s worth joining, worth fighting for. Sure, you’re probably gonna die. But if you find yourself in such a position where such an organization is necessary, what do you have to lose? How can you look at
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There’s a bunch of “drug dens,” too. Katia: Drug dens? What does that mean? Where are they?
Katia: You’ll have to send some of those details over. Maybe there’ll be something there we can use. Anyway,
How did she react when you came out of the cum closet? Carl: The what?
That Damascus guy told me I had to limp when I walked out, or he’d take out my knee. You know, to make it look like we’d been messing around. I didn’t want to argue with him, so I did it, but I regret it now because that Rosemarie dwarf lady insisted on high-fiving me. And she gave me a little pinback button that says “Certified pole dancer.”
Enchanted Tiara of the Inebriated Dragonfly.
“Wonder Woman can’t fly,” I said. “She has an invisible jet, Carl. Don’t ruin this for me.”
