Sipsworth

by Simon Van Booy

Each day was an impersonation of the one before with only a slight shuffle⁠—as though even for death there is a queue.

The home she had given up on the other side of the world would have other people by now. She imagined them unrolling leaves of newspaper to reveal objects that were important or fragile, but in truth were just links in a chain that led you back to the beginning.

Helen is certain now that the creature in her sink must surely have been a child’s pet that outlived his use as a companion and was left to die. Except he is downstairs in a pie box. Not dying. And for the first time in many years, against her better judgement, neither is she.

Down at the station they would bring her tea and reassure her that eating meat is natural for humans. We’re built for it. But Helen would argue. Are not anger, jealousy, and lust natural by the very same logic? Is every action we’re built for morally justifiable?

“If we can’t take care of our own when the time comes, then what’s the point of it all, eh?”

“There should be a golden mouse statue outside every hospital . . . every time we take a pill or get a vaccination it’s all because of mice. Billions must have died over the years in labs, billions! If only people realised,” Helen goes on, “that their loved ones are most likely alive or not in pain because of mice.” Dr. Jamal is reading the expiration date on a small tube. “Well, that makes me feel much better about illegally giving you these medicines and oxygen.”

“You’re a good doctor, Dr. Jamal, not because you’re so clever⁠—but because your first instinct is still to help.”

Now Helen is hovering over a city. It could be Sydney, but she’s not sure. It’s neither cold nor windy, just very still, and down below there are people in offices, on trains, sipping coffee, talking into mobile phones, falling in love, falling out of love, trying on shoes in shops⁠—alive because of an old woman, far away in England, who has recently adopted a mouse, turned vegetarian, broken the law, and gotten a library card . . . as though preparing to start her life all over again.