A person’s tongue in your mouth could be experienced as a pleasure or as the most repulsive and nauseating intrusion depending on the state of relations that exist or are being negotiated between you and the person. But someone else’s tongue in your mouth can be a sign of intimacy because it can also be a disgusting assault. The marks of intimacy depend upon the violability of Goffman’s “territories of the self.” Without such territory over which you vigilantly patrol the borders there can be nothing special in allowing or gaining access to it . . . Consensual sex means the mutual
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