The Last Phone Booth in Manhattan

by Beth Merlin

“Honey, did you ever stop to think that when things seem to be falling apart, they may actually be falling into place?”

And remember, no space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused.”

And remember, no space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunities misused. Goodbye.”

My father used to say rock bottom will teach you the lessons the mountaintops never could.

The square hummed with an energy of collective excitement in anticipation of the ball dropping, marking the closing of one chapter and the start of a whole new story. And though I tried my damnedest to figure out what my own story might be, I was coming up empty.

I could see the faint flashes of the girl who came to New York City with a singular goal, to make it on the Great White Way. Then came the flood of memories of the acting workshops at Tisch that once invigorated my creative soul and drove me forward with every challenge. That is until the epic failure of my senior showcase and a wasteland of fruitless auditions robbed me of my confidence.

Each rejection and failure was the hacking of an axe, one chop at a time against the trunk of a mighty oak. After enough blows, that sucker will come crashing down—did come crashing down—and it was just easier to be whisked away by Adam into a life that didn’t feel so punishing and insurmountable.

Amid the storm of questions and missed opportunities, I stood in the center, the eye of the hurricane, until my vision refocused on the sea of strangers around me, all out in droves to celebrate the promise of new beginnings as I questioned the loss of so many things: my home, my relationship, my career, but most of all, myself.

I’ll admit my confidence in my acting career had taken so many hits back then it was nice to step away for a while, but I never planned to stay away forever. With each failed callback and the fading hope this dream would ever really come to fruition, I convinced myself I could find a different source of happiness and fulfillment and decided to go all in with Adam.

“Sometimes when I’m not sure which direction to go, I think about what I was doing the last time I was happy and try to do some more of that.

I was utterly dumbfounded. Not an ounce of empathy or sign of understanding. For what felt like at least the hundredth time over these past few months, my feelings not even a blip on his radar.

“I was a different person then. I didn’t appreciate what we had, not in the way I should have. You were my best friend, and I let you walk right out of my life. I’m sorry, Avery. I was so consumed with my own ego to believe I could somehow fix the world for everyone around me, all the while hurting the one person who mattered the most in mine.” His finger crooked under my chin and gently lifted it so I could look into his eyes. His voice was soft, almost a whisper. “But don’t think for a minute that I walked away completely unscathed.”

His expression radiated a hurt I wasn’t aware I’d caused.

“Time, distance, and a little self-reflection can really change a person’s perspective.”

I do believe that the universe has a way of setting things right that need to be set right. Call it karma or spirituality, whatever you want. I don’t think you’re crazy. I think we’re given signs and clues all the time, but we’re not always in a place to pay enough attention and recognize them. Sounds like on that particular day, you were.”

I’d been so hungry that I almost forgot how hungry I was until the first bite hit.

“I’ve never known a woman who has such a bright light within them. It could light up all of Manhattan if you’d just let it.”

“I guess it’s true what they say: the greatest love stories are rarely a straight line, now are they?”

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions,”

Lyla was right—no one was going to do it for me. This time I didn’t have a scapegoat or another road I could hide down. I had to either face the challenge or abandon my dream altogether—and was I ready to do that? Throw in the towel completely because it was what . . . hard?

“Some people are always in a rush. Rush rush rush. I wonder if they even notice how much of their life they’re missing.”

And remember, no space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused.”

God, the amount of money my parents must’ve spent on those lessons. Money I’m sure they didn’t have.” “Parents do that, though, for their kids. Many don’t, I guess. But the ones who do do it because they want to. That’s a pretty special thing, and I think I appreciate, more and more every single day, that my mother did the same for me and Marisol.”

“You know what they say, it’s the small pieces that make the big picture, and I’m sure yours will show itself in due time,”

There’s no room for me in your life. And I hate saying that because of all the wonderful things you do have room for, but it hurts too much not to be one of them.”

You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

“No space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused”

“It’s a beautiful thought, Avery, but fate is choice, not chance. It was your choice to give Gabe a second chance, to stay for the audition, to prepare as hard as you did for the callback. To put it all on the phone booth almost cheapens your accomplishment.”

“Maybe it’s not too late to right the wrong? I mean, if today taught us anything, it’s that the ghosts of your past will keep haunting you until you confront them.

“Maybe I’m wrong, but I figured when you know you like, know. And if you don’t know after this much time, maybe that’s all you need to know .

Maybe all of this was meant to tell me that a life with Gabe would be the best option in the end. A sure thing. Happiness wrapped up in a big red bow.

“Just because someone’s good doesn’t mean they’re good for you.

“If you want to run with the big dogs, you can’t piss like a pup.

“You’re putting way too much stock in this one moment. You were an actress before this audition, and you’ll be one after. Don’t they say the road to success is paved in rejection?”

Gabe Cell: I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Me: A Tale of Two Cities? Gabe Cell: Great Expectations.

“I lost myself because of you. And now I wear the chain I forged in life,” I replied. “I made it link by link, and yard by yard.” I held up the imaginary chain, tears pricking my eyes, begging him to see the links for what they were—the sacrifices I’d made for him, which paved my way to never creating a life of my own. “I girded this of my own free will and of my own free will, I wore it . . . I still wear it. I am forever tethered to the mistakes of my past—both the ones I made and those I didn’t because I was afraid . . . of losing you. Of failing on my own. Of not being good enough. So instead, I became nothing. I have no one.”

‘No space of regret can make amends for one life’s opportunity misused.’