If you watch two people in conversation, you’ll see that each of them is carefully and unconsciously studying the other for any hint of disapproval—a forehead wrinkling into a frown, an eyebrow lifting into an expression of doubt, a corner of the mouth turning down, a change in tone of voice—and when that happens, the speaker immediately modifies what he or she is saying until all those signs of disapproval disappear. In most cases we don’t even know we’re doing this. However, that modification of what we say and do to please other people is lying—because we don’t tell our partners that we’re
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