When people say, “Trust is earned,” what they really mean is this: “I’m empty and afraid. I’ve been used and hurt by people many times in the past, and I’m afraid that everyone I meet will do the same things to me. I therefore protect myself constantly until people individually prove that I don’t need to be afraid of them.” That faithless and frightened view of the world guarantees that we’ll use Protecting Behaviors, which can only lead to everyone’s feeling more afraid, unloved, and alone. When we require people to prove they’re worth trusting, we naturally—and mostly unconsciously—look for
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