Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It

by Jennifer Breheny Wallace

That’s why playtime as a family is so critical. When we don’t carve out time for play, we lose out on some of the highest-quality interactions we can have with our kids—getting immersed in something together, as equals. Play has no agenda and offers a judgment-free place for our kids to be, to learn, and to become their ordinary selves. It can be hard to protect that time, of course. My husband, Peter, instituted a family rule: at least once a week, all of us must participate in something he branded NOFAs, or “nonoptional family activities.” It’s a signal to the kids that play and family time is a priority in our house: yes, we value hard work, but we also value having fun together. Our kids need to learn and cultivate the skill of using downtime as a way of replenishing themselves and their relationships. Past NOFAs have included game nights, picnics at the beach, bike rides, and working through one-thousand-piece puzzles. Peter is a strategic thinker, so he paired NOFAs with OFAs (optional family activities) to offer the kids some agency. The branding helped to get buy-in, as did allowing the kids to participate in choosing activities. Sometimes we even play video games as a family, if that’s what one of the