That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf (Mead Mishaps, #2)

by Kimberly Lemming

“Please don’t run from me, Brie,” he panted. “It’s getting me a little too excited.”

Honestly, a man showing up and doing my chores wasn’t the worst thing to happen to a woman.

“Oh, now this is a real treat, Barbara! On our right, you’ll see the shapely ass of some muscular heartthrob as he absolutely goes to town on the woman beneath him. Just look at that form. It’s a wonder and a marvel that her intestines haven’t been crushed into oblivion, what with that massive horse cock Blondy’s slinging,” said the disembodied voice.

“Where are you?” I snapped. “Where are any of us?” the voice called. “Do we even have free will, or are we just hunks of carbon floating in the endless abyss? Merely stuck in the back of an alligator hoping one day the slow fucker meanders to the ocean?” “That was oddly specific,” I said.

Cin crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m going.” Her husband regarded her with a look of pure exasperation. “What happened to the terrified human that was too scared to leave her farm?” “She fucked a dragon and helped kill a god.” Cinnamon shrugged. “It changes a gal.”

A dust-covered pause filled the air. “You’re doing this because you couldn’t get bitches?” Alexis asked.

She flipped back her long yellow skirts and pulled a dagger off her thigh. “Does anyone else have anything to use as a weapon? And give your names, so I can stop waving blindly at the lot of you.” “Do… do you just keep that on hand?” Serena asked. Usha cast a deadpan glance at the brunette. “Every woman should carry a weapon.”

I do not know if my tits were built for murder. I don’t even think they were built with my back in mind.

The creature shuddered and shrank back into the dark water. “What is wrong with you?” “Oh gods, where do I start?” I tilted my head as if in deep thought. “Hey, do you still want to know what I want? Cause I think I’ve got something in mind.” “I’m terrified to ask,” it groaned. “Have you ever heard of Omegaverse? If I become your vessel, maybe we can make that a real thing.” I clasped my hands together in excitement. “I’ll explain the basics to you.” “I don’t want that.” “No need to twist my arm about it, I’ll tell ya,” I chirped, waving the creature off. “There is a deeply forbidding aura in this water, and it is not coming from me.” Ignoring it, I launched into my explanation. “Alright, so the basics of Omegaverse are alphas, omegas, knotting and, in most cases, mpreg. That’s male pregnancy for the uninitiated. Now, omegas go into heat every year once they reach maturity and release an irresistible pheromone that basically drives the alphas into a mating frenzy. That’s where the knot comes in.” I paused for breath and peeked at the ancient evil. Several of its eyes began twitching in what I could only assume was distress. Doubling down, I began making squelching noises to simulate a particularly wet sex scene I’d read before. When I grabbed one of its tendrils to send a mental image of an Omegaverse chapter that had illustrations of the couple in question and an oversized riding crop, Thing finally broke. “I can’t!” it wailed. “I can’t do this.”