That Time I Got Drunk And Saved a Human (Mead Mishaps, #3)

by Kimberly Lemming

Besides, I’m eager to see how much the world has changed since before Volsog’s gates closed.” It wasn’t a complete lie. I was only a hundred and some odd years old when Myva rose up and banished all non-humans to a frozen hellscape. There is no telling how different the world looked after 600 years.

When I was a little girl, my ma used to read me stories every night. Some were epic adventures with high stakes and exciting twists while others were of princesses trapped in towers guarded by fierce dragons. The pitiful princess would be stuck inside all day pining for her Prince Charming to come and save her. I always hated those princess stories. I couldn’t imagine why the lazy thing didn’t just get up and leave. Ironic, since I was now stuck in that same situation. Turns out, when a dragon holds you hostage, he doesn’t just let you get up and leave.

“You know, that damn lich is dead. The lot of us are no longer trapped behind Volsog’s gate and the lands beyond are completely free rein. You’ll miss out on all the excitement if you remain here. I understand your pain but—” “You don’t,” Gideon interrupted.

His harasser paused, then lowered his head. “You’re right. I don’t. But you were a friend to my father, and I owe it to him not to let you rot away.

It couldn’t have been more than a few hours since I had left Fallon’s territory. The desire to find a mate became too hard to fight after being surrounded by happy couples. Not to mention the bitterness I felt watching Fallon, a much younger dragon, find everything I had hoped for right in front of me. True mates were so rare it wasn’t unheard of to go a thousand years without finding one. Yet the whelp had barely earned his fire and immediately stumbled upon his mate, Cinnamon. I was happy for them both. Somewhere deep down, past all the unyielding envy. They had saved me and the rest of the world from the clutches of that evil lich, after all.

I’d only met the once-proud sea-dragon-turned-insufferable-sad-sack a handful of times when I was younger. When Myva sealed all demons behind Volsog Gate, Gideon was nowhere to be found. My father and I could only assume he didn’t make it and was slain in battle. The collection of islands that made up his territory must’ve been just out of range of Myva’s magic. Lucky son of a bitch.

King Mokas the Blight was a legendary woodland dragon with a lifespan of nearly 3,000 years. He had used magic to create an oasis with streets made of pure gold and abundant fruit hanging from every vine in the middle of a barren desert, and from there he had created the nation of Mokyr. He had a reputation for bestowing enormous wealth on any wizard who could increase the force of his magic, out of his insatiable need for more power.

“Are you insane?” he asked. “That’s a strong possibility,” I admitted. It would explain why I was crawling off into certain death. Though I doubted I was the only woman in the world who chose death over marriage. Men were often more trouble than they were worth.

If it were up to me we’d skip to the part where we’re madly in love with each other. Go on dates, watch a thunderstorm with a steaming cup of tea, overthrow a reasonably sized kingdom and bend it to our liking, then get a dog,” he mused, swirling his glass.

“The goddess you knew as Myva was actually a lich masquerading as a goddess in order to control you. Around six hundred years ago she sacrificed many of my kind in her dark magic.”

“We rose up to destroy her, but failed. After that, she sealed us away in this frozen wasteland, then placed a curse of madness on Volsog Gate. If any of us tried to leave, we’d go insane and kill anything in sight. As if that wasn’t enough, she’d open those gates every fifteen years, letting the madness spill in until we tore at each other like animals.” Dread sank in my gut. “The Hero’s Call,” I whispered. He nodded solemnly. “I imagine it was a useful ruse to keep humans in line. No reason to turn your back on a goddess who saved you from bloodthirsty monsters.”

“Madam Shadow is the brave human that helped free us from the curse. Albeit by accident. In the last Hero’s Call, as you called it, she was attacked by a shadow dragon named Fallon Ozul. She struck him with a stick of cinnamon and his curse was lifted. It was then we found out that that’s how we break the curse.” “Why do you call her Madam Shadow?” “She married the shadow dragon. That makes her Madam Shadow. Just as you are now Madam Storm.”

“I’m a bit hazy on the details of the first two chalices, but from what I understand, she and Fallon went on a quest to destroy each of the chalices Myva used as her heart in order to break her curse once and for all. In an attempt to stop them, Myva attacked me here and embedded one of the chalices in my mane. With the source of her magic so close to me, the cinnamon did nothing to bring me back from that hell.” He paused, a smile gracing his lips before he continued. “Unfortunately for that damned lich, nothing stops Madam Shadow when she puts her mind to it. She flew on her pegasus and dropped onto my back, then broke the chalice with a hammer, freeing me. After that, I joined forces with them and the other demons they freed. Together, we destroyed Myva’s remaining chalices and killed her.”

That kind of loneliness was something I understood all too well. The only thing that got me through the years of mind-numbing loneliness was the thought of someday making it back to everyone.

“Don’t think I’m a pushover just because I’m human. Push me too far and I’ll have ya begging for mercy.” The arm around my shoulders fell as his hand slid to the small of my back. My heart sped up. Mind reeling as the seductive tenor of his voice played against my ear like the strings of his cello. “Is that a promise?”

“Let’s be honest, we can both see that you’ll be leading me by the ear.” “Yeah, how do you figure?” He leaned on the table and rested his head in his hand. “Cherry, you’ve got me chasing phoenixes through snow banks. Another day and I’ll be holding down a griffin just so you can pat the damn thing.” “That actually sounds kinda fun.” Mentally, I added griffin to my list of pit stops. “I’ll be the bane of every creature on this continent to get a smile from you,” he said, smiling warmly. The declaration came out easily, like his devotion to my entertainment was the most natural thing in the world.

“Sometimes I worry about you.” “You should always worry about me. I’m your husband,” he said, digging his fork into the plate, taking his first bite. “Occasionally isn’t enough?” “No. I won’t rest until I’ve consumed your every thought.” “You’re a greedy thing.” “You have no idea,” he drawled.

“My wife is a human. With big brown eyes, adorable dimples and a laugh that makes everything right with the world. And if anything happens to her, I will make you live through horrors so vile your grandchildren will weep!”

“In order to prove our worth as a fully realized dragon, many of us take the Floating Isle Challenge. Seven high peaks spread across all of Mytheglin. If you manage to make it to all seven isles and put your mark on the wall, you are granted the title of Lord of your element.”

Our story may not have had the best beginning, and the middle has gone off the rails, I’ll admit. But we’re nowhere near the ending. I’ll have centuries to find out all the little things that make you tick. Then, just when I think I’ve finally got you figured out, you’ll do something outrageous to throw me off your tracks. And I’ll fall a little more in love with you each time.”

“You may be the one chained, Princess, but make no mistake, I am always at your mercy.”