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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Sarah Hawley
Read between
May 5 - May 10, 2025
“Enough posturing,” Sandranella said. “Or at least whip your dicks out and measure them so we can get this over with. I have a happy hour on the elven plane to get to.”
“But if you try anything funny, I will explode your testicles.”
Why had his past self chosen to make an enemy of her rather than seizing the opportunity to use those thighs as earmuffs?
“Any idea where it is?” “Up your ass,” she shot back. “How unsafe.”
“But there will be no funny business or mischief or acts of evil while under my roof. I’m going to weave so many wards, your testicles will be obliterated if you so much as sneeze wrong.” So much for an improvement. “That seems excessive.”
“I would never pass up the opportunity to bask in more of your radiant company,” he said, following her. She raised a hand, showing the string that dangled from her fingertips. “Testicles. Exploded.” He winced. “I shall be on my least abominable behavior.”
“Do you want to assess my front lawn? Because I’m tempted to make you sleep outside.”
“Is that penguin holding a knife?” “Yes,” Calladia said. “Stop staring at my tits.” “Stop putting your tits behind interesting pictures.”
“That bastard shouldn’t get to make you cry. He should be wearing his own entrails.”
The witch was mean. Oddly, Astaroth didn’t find it upsetting. He eyed her profile, amused that someone with the bone structure of a storybook princess had the manners of a feral cat.
“Don’t make me gag you.” “Kinky,” he said, biting his lower lip. “Will you tie me up, too?” “Yep, I’ll tie you to a tree in the woods overnight. It’s supposed to rain.” Astaroth shivered. Tent camping was bad enough. “I’m shutting up.” Calladia smirked. “Atta demon.”
“Sweet Remus and Romulus, that fucker has horns.”
Everyone ended up on a road trip with their disgustingly attractive nemesis at some point, right?
Curse her miserable luck to get stuck with a demon who looked like her every fantasy come to life.
“So, my warrior queen, where are we going?” Calladia nearly tripped over her feet. A laugh burst from her. “What did you just call me?” Astaroth gave her a crooked smile. “I was aiming for a new spin on violent harridan that would express the respect element more.”
The most aggravating, perfectly vicious harridan of a witch, whose blond hair and brown eyes haunted his dreams. In centuries past, she would have been the literal warrior queen he’d termed her, leading armies into battle.
“Because you told her to eat lunch here, you git,”
“You’re a hoity-toity jackass with an overinflated ego,” Kai said. “And you’re a bum with mommy issues whose closest relationship is with your right hand,” Ranulf snapped.
“Why would you care about defending me? I’m your enemy, remember?” “Why would you stab a werewolf to protect me?” he parroted. “I’m your enemy, remember?”
“You really made an impression,” Bronwyn said. “I’m not sure if Kai wants to murder you or marry you on the spot, but keep an eye out, because the wolves are on the hunt.”
“Anyway,” she said, pulling onto the road again, “he’s not going to get the chance to murder or marry me. I like living, and I’m far too busy for romance.”
Fighting thirty werewolves? Easy. Stripping back her armor to reveal the soft, wounded creature beneath? Impossible.
“You’re a good person, even if you don’t always believe it, but I’m not. Say the word, and I’ll punish him in the vilest ways you can imagine.”
“That warlock who advised you,” he told Calladia in a surge of desperation. “The one whose name sounds like a prescription drug.”
Mortal didn’t just mean droopy balls. It meant death.
“Oh.” Lilith laughed merrily. “That silly stuff again. No, I may be a massive slut, and proud of it, but I’m only the mother of one demon.”
Do you know how to cut someone’s life short?” There was a pause. “I mean, there are lots of methods,” Alzapraz said, “but you can probably Witchipedia murder and pick a favorite.”
Were demons universally sexy? A question for a later time.
“The Middle Ages were so dull. Everyone stank.”
But with the way Astaroth was staring at her like she’d blown his mind and hung the moon all at once, she couldn’t regret it.
Great. Astaroth had not only harmed Calladia’s friend; he’d harmed a muffin-baking philanthropist.
“There you go, sounding like a Jane Austen character again. Next I’ll find out you have a country estate and a fondness for waltzing.”
“I have a safe full of gold doubloons,” he offered. “Doubloons?” Calladia asked incredulously. “Who are you, Blackbeard?”
“Eat shit, wankers,” he shouted, scooping up another stone and flinging it at Moloch.
“Suck it up, fragile little buttercup.”
“Who’s ready to bleed?” she called out. “Mama’s thirsty.”
“Damn straight,” Kai said, thumping his chest. “She skewered me in the chest and stole my heart.”
Silence followed the introductions. Then multiple people began talking at once. “You’re brawling with werewolves again?” “Wait, Lilith the Mother of All Demons?” “It’s been less than a week, and suddenly you’re hanging out with—” “Is he forcing you to be here?” “—a pack of werewolves and multiple demons?” “Bro, Lilith is hot.” “Did you make a bargain?”
“Knock me over. I heard bedtime stories about you. My mum told me you’d dismember me if I wasn’t a good pup.”
Ben had the baffled, nervous expression of a man introduced to space aliens and trying to respect their customs.
“If it’s our last night on Earth, I want to take my time appreciating all of Astaroth’s parts before Moloch chops them off.”
“Pussy good enough to overshadow the apocalypse? High praise, indeed.”
“I might change my mind though. Your skull would make a lovely chalice to drink rosé from while I purge the council of your sycophants.” “God, that’s hot,” Kai said.
