A Demon's Guide to Wooing a Witch (Glimmer Falls #2)

by Sarah Hawley

With a mother like Lilith, one would think she’d trumpet the immediate arrival of an heir, rather than wait forty years to claim you as her son.”

Is he half mortal? Or is ginger demon his daddy?

fear. “Just because she wrote something down doesn’t mean it’s true. She

of the Roses tentacle fan fiction, too.”

We like her already

“but that’s not the point. If she can confidently write Henry VI taking it up the arse from a Yorkist squid, she very well might have invented all sorts of falsehoods about me.”

Baha

Astaroth’s stomach churned again. He was one of the few voices on the high council in favor of protecting the rights of the hybrids and nondemons who lived on-plane.

Because He is also half breed

She wasn’t like Mariel, who was beautiful, sweet, and giving. Calladia was prickly, aggressive, and damaged. If Mariel represented the best of people, Calladia was, though not the worst, at least on the “uh oh” end of the spectrum.

“I’m no one’s baby,” she said, slow and exaggerated from the tequila. “In fact, I’ve been a grown woman for a while now.”

“Not my fault he doesn’t respect boundaries.”

Everyone needs a friend like her

“And he’ll be blacklisted for that, believe me, but the bouncers could have taken care of the issue without you starting a fistfight.”

Reasonable

“Look, whatever’s going on, I don’t want to wait for that dickhead to come back.” She pointed a stern finger at him. “But if you try anything funny, I will explode your testicles.”

Why though? After what he did in the previous book

“Do you like Halloween?” he asked the witch. Calladia’s forehead furrowed. “What?” “I just remembered giving candy to children. It was nice.” “What, to lure them into your van?”

Ha

“Any idea where it is?” “Up your ass,” she shot back. “How unsafe.”

It wasn’t just a watch, but a . . . curses, what were those things called? The ones that tracked heart rate and whatnot, because humans loved to take any activity and suck the joy out of it.

If you don’t take steps to get treatment, then frankly, you’ll deserve whatever happens to you.” “Lovely bedside demeanor you have,” he said. “Do you offer inspirational speeches as well?”

“And how is that? Lifting weights until you look like a man, wasting your talents on a menial job, living like you have no responsibilities to the family?”

Terrible !!!

And Calladia, still young and desperate for the affection she’d been denied at home, had reshaped herself for him. Once she was weak enough to fit Sam’s definition of beauty though, he’d found something else to harp on.

:(

That conversation had been overflowing with toxicity.

“Why’d you break it off?” he asked, undeterred. “Did you castrate and disembowel him and then have to make up a story to explain his absence?” “I wish.” Calladia grimaced. “He tried to make me small.”

Good for you

Not that he wasn’t a snooty fuck—he was, and proudly—but he couldn’t imagine trying or wanting to shape someone like Calladia into another form.

He's Already falling...

“As your sworn enemy, I can reliably inform you he did not succeed. It would take magic beyond the most powerful witch’s abilities to turn you into anyone but exactly who you are.”

“Absolutely not. First off, there are bugs. And dirt. And probably bears and who knows what, and I’m not going to sleep on the ground.”

Lmao

“Well, for starters, camping isn’t about comfort. It’s about getting away and enjoying nature. Cooking over a fire and staring at the stars.”

It struck Astaroth that Calladia had a rather poor opinion of herself. Sure, she was a bitch—and he meant that as a compliment of the highest order, just as he was a proud bastard—but it was obvious she had a strong sense of fairness, and the way she spoke of Mariel indicated a deep level of feeling for her loved ones. Nice was too tepid a word for her. But loyal, protective, and determined to do the right thing? Those were traits to admire.

Calladia couldn’t imagine what that kind of intimacy felt like. She hadn’t dated seriously since Sam, and it had never been like that. No carefree, giddy joy, no mutual support, only an ever-escalating sense of unworthiness. The longer she’d spent with Sam, the smaller she’d felt, her life shaping itself around his judgments. It was enough to make a witch reject the very idea of love, if only there weren’t two such compelling examples of the phenomenon sitting across the table.

“Just ask Isobel when you see her,” Alzapraz continued. “Tell her I haven’t forgotten that thing she had me do in 1286.”

Her features were delicate, but her demeanor was ferocious.

“Sense can be surprisingly subjective.”

He eyed her profile, amused that someone with the bone structure of a storybook princess had the manners of a feral cat.

“The captain is Ranulf, a bear-shifter, and his second, Cooper, is a corgi-shifter.”

“Have you ever seen a corgi at the dog park?” Bronwyn asked. “They give zero fucks.”

“I have more important things to focus on, that’s all,” she said. “And men are more trouble than they’re worth.”

Whatever Astaroth said, Calladia wasn’t a good person. How could she be, when seeing the monster inside . . . just made her want him more?

Therpy as a suggestion

“I don’t know why you’re buying hats using sea creatures as currency—”

“You looked like the flag bearer for the incel cause.”

He wanted her to yell at him some more, pull his hair, maybe even slap him, and then he wanted to shut her up with his mouth and taste the full force of her passion. Succumbing to instinct, Astaroth grabbed her hand and pulled until her finger hit his pectoral again. “Harder,” he said.

These ppl are weird

“You,” she said, jabbing him in the chest, “are obnoxious.” “More,” he said, leaning in.

What is happening????

“Your cane sword is tacky, and you have horrible taste in hats.”

Bahaha

She wanted to hit him, bite him, leave her marks on his pale skin.

Idk about this

But trusting another demon with the truth of his amnesia would leave him open to attack should his gut instinct be wrong.

Omg just tell them already

“I’m not afflicted by madness.” Lilith winked. “Madness is afflicted by me.”

Sandranella snapped her fingers. “I knew it! You don’t remember, do you?”

Well thank goodness

“The one whose name sounds like a prescription drug.” “Alzapraz,”

“Objectively, I don’t think time can be assigned a value.”

“Oh.” Lilith laughed merrily. “That silly stuff again. No, I may be a massive slut, and proud of it, but I’m only the mother of one demon.”

“The Middle Ages were so dull. Everyone stank.”

Lilith smiled indulgently. “Oh, sweetie, I dug a tunnel into your bedroom centuries ago.” Everyone turned appalled looks on her, and she shrugged. “What? Sometimes a mother likes to watch her baby sleep.”

“I portal into his closet in London frequently,” Lilith said. “I’ll check there, too.”

Lilith blew him a kiss. “Stalking is my love language.” “I thought commissioning bounty hunters was her love language,” Calladia muttered. “And kidnapping.” Lilith turned her icy blue eyes on Calladia. “Love can be expressed in any number of ways,” she said solemnly.

Calladia felt a twinge of jealousy. How was it possible the legendarily deadly Lilith was a better mother than Cynthia Cunnington? Lilith might stalk Astaroth, but she clearly loved and

“No. But she was already insane by the time I was born. Everyone accepts that’s the way she is.”