Until I Get You (Fairview Hockey, #1)

by Claire Contreras

They tried to knock you down, but you got up and stood taller. They tried to clip your wings, but they grew back stronger. They thought their threats would silence you, but your courage is deafening.

This version of myself who bleeds the same as everyone else, who hurts like everyone else, who feels. He swallowed hard as his eyes took me in. I was sure he’d think I was nuts, but in his eyes, I found understanding. And that was what made the next sob leave my chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, engulfing me as he set his chin on my head. “You’re okay.” It was a chant, a mantra, a promise. “I got you. You’re okay.”

“Because a million different things can be said about you, about anyone. Some may be true, but in my experience, most accounts aren’t. I don’t want to hear anything about you unless it comes from you.”

I looked out the window to hide the smile I felt forming. Not only did he make me feel; for a moment, he made me forget what broke me, to begin with. Just for a moment, but those moments added up. He also never quit flirting with me and trying to get me to cave, and for some really, really dumb reason, I loved it. “I see your reflection, you know,” he said. I jolted and looked at him. He

That year was such a blur that sometimes I could pretend none of it had happened until I thought about calling Mom. Or Luke. Each time, a fresh wave of grief would hit me, realizing they were both gone forever. Then, it hit me that they were both gone forever.

Fuck Lachlan for this. Fuck Mason. Fuck the hockey team and any man who thinks they can claim a woman for the hell of it.

“This has never happened to me before. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t even know how you feel. I just know I never want to feel the way I did when I saw him with you again.”

“Why are you thinking about that? None of them had me the way you do.”

“Because the world would be empty without you,” he said. “Because we wouldn’t have met, and my soul would be lost for the rest of my life, searching for yours.”

“That’s my favorite smile. You have no idea how often I dream of it.”

“I could be in Toronto and you in Tokyo, and I’d still find a way to keep exploring this.”

Sometimes, wings are built from despair.

“Hey, Lach,” some girl said as she walked by. She wasn’t flirting, just saying hello, but he ignored her and kept his eyes on mine. I smiled at him, which made his eyes darken even more. I loved knowing I was the only one who got this reaction from him. I loved the way he looked at me like nothing else in the world mattered.

Astor got next to him, and my stomach clenched as I waited for Lach’s reaction to whatever he said. I was going to be pissed if he got another two-minute penalty. Instead, Lach nodded, and they gave each other a fist bump. Men were so fucking weird.

Sure, my degree is in business, but that paper could never prepare me for the real thing.

Delilah Duke Guzman. I shake my head and smile again. I can’t remember the last time I genuinely smiled. Delilah Duke Guzman. If she wants, she can keep the first name. I’ll probably never call her that, so it won’t matter. Duke is permanent. I need to get the James back in there.

“The acquisitions team wants to reach out to the FBI about the new drones,” I say, “They think they’d benefit from them.” He gives a nod. “What do you think?” “It doesn’t really matter what I think,” I say. I’ve already told him that I hate working with the government in any capacity. If they were doing legit let’s-keep-the-peace shit with this tech, I’d be fine, but who knows what the hell they’re using this for.

I’ve come to the realization that Lyla James is the prototype and I don’t do knockoffs.

“I really am, and I hate that being a ‘cat lady’ is used in a negative way, when in reality, they’re probably happier than most people who have partners.”

I should feel bad about this, but I don’t. Am I supposed to apologize for not feeling the same way? My mother would say I should. That nags at me, but when I open my mouth, the words won’t come out. I allow myself to think about her often, these days, and find myself asking whether or not she’d approve of certain things. Not that I’d ever really know how she’d treat me, now that I’m an adult, but I do the best I can with what she gave me while she was alive.

No one can break you unless you give them the power to do so, and I gave him all of mine.

Good looks do not overshadow good hearts. Ever.

I’ll chase her for the rest of my life and prove to her that I can be worthy of her, if that’s what it’ll take.

I keep my eyes on the flowers we’re driving by — blooming new, colorful life into this gray, dark world.

“Okay, fuck this,” Lachlan mutters and I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath. “If one of you touches her, I will kill you. If you flirt with her, I will kill you,” Lach says, the growl in his low menacing voice halting their conversations. “Don’t look at her. Don’t talk to her. Don’t even fucking think about her.”

“I’m thrilled about your engagement. You don’t know how happy I am that I finally get a daughter,” she says. She still has that wide smile on her face that reaches her eyes, so I know she means it. Her statement hits me in the center of my chest and travels to my throat, but I manage to push past it and smile. Maybe it’s the fact that I lost my mother at such a crucial age, but it feels good to hear that. Not that anyone could ever replace my mother, but having the support of a woman is unmatched.

“Lyla.” Liam sets down his glass and gives me a sympathetic smile. “My brother would give up his inheritance, hockey, kidneys, and testicles if it meant he’d have you. I wish that was hyperbole, but it’s the truth.”

“You could never be my nightmare, Lachlan Duke.” I stand straight and wait until he’s fully paying attention. “I love you more than I hate anything.”

“Tell him to put a fucking pin on it. You’ll come back in a couple of years.” “Put a pin on it?” His brows rise, his eyes dancing. “Yeah, old white rich men love saying shit like that.”

“You captured my attention the moment I met you. I think I might have fallen in love with you that night, standing against that wall, without even realizing it. I’ve never chased anyone before you came along. I went after you the way I only go after a fucking hockey puck, and I don’t regret it. I’ll chase you forever, around the world if I have to, but I hope you don’t make me. Stay with me forever, Lyla James. Marry me.”

He’d rather kill her than let anyone else have her. I’d rather die than live in a world without her in it.

I can’t remember the last time I prayed. I gave up on faith a long time ago, but the fact that I got lucky enough to land this woman twice, really makes me question my belief system. I know I don’t deserve her. No one does, though, so if someone is going to have her, it’s going to be me.

“And is it even cocky, if you’re actually the best?”

“You know I bought this dress because it reminded me of your eyes?”

You can’t really try to find logic in insanity without losing your own.

Me: mar, it’s lachlan, do me a favor and tell him to go fuck himself Marissa: LMAO i can’t do that Me: tell him she got back together with her ex and that he proposed and they got married right away and she’s very very very happy

Survival looks different on everyone. We can’t be judged for what we did or didn’t do, but enough is enough.

“I love you so much,” she whispers against my ear. “I would die without you.” She wouldn’t. We both know she wouldn’t. I probably would, but she’s too strong to die of a broken heart.

“You never have to thank me for protecting you. That’s my job.” “Your job?” Her lips quirk as she goes back to the bandage on my right hand. “What’s the job title exactly?” “Husband.”

He pauses, tears filling his eyes. “But it’ll hurt more if I’m not there the day my little girl gets married.” My mother won’t be there either. Emotion crawls up on me quickly, lodging in my throat.

What kind of arrogant, pretentious douchebag decided that contracts should be more than one page anyway?

As long as she’s happy, I don’t really care. She could’ve picked a dirty fucking subway station to get married in and I would’ve agreed. The beginning dun-dun-dun-dun of “Back That Azz Up” starts blasting through the speakers when the door opens, and I’m kind of regretting not sharing my input on the music.

“You are, by far, the most difficult person I’ve ever come across in my entire life. You shut me out repeatedly. You made me chase you, which is ludicrous,” I say, pulling a face that makes everyone laugh. “You were rude, mean, standoffish. . .” “Okay,” Lyla interrupts, squeezing the tips of my bandaged hands lightly. “I think we need to go over what wedding vows are supposed to be like.” Everyone laughs again. I continue, “But then you let me in. Me. Even after you knew what my reputation was, you gave me a shot. You are the most selfless, brave, loving person I know. And you’re funny as fuck. You quickly became my favorite person on the planet, and I became addicted to you. I’m in love with you. I’m obsessed with you. I promise to do everything in my power to keep you happy, so you can be mine forever.”

“When I met your mother, she told me that love has no logic. You’re the reason I believe that. You’re relentless, annoying, cocky, possessive, and hands down, the most insane person I’ve ever met in my life.” She raises an eyebrow when I scowl. “But you make me feel safe, cherished, loved, and wanted. I walked around completely numb to everything before you came along and made me feel. You understand me in ways that I can’t explain. You’ve ruined me for anyone else. You’re my best friend, my husband, my everything, forever.”

A baby. Holy shit. She has been a little bloated lately, but it’s always something with the female body. Bloating, bleeding, fucking ovulating. I don’t question it anymore.

“I’ll shower fast, and then we’ll have dinner somewhere.” “Pizza,” she says, eyes lighting up. I’ll get her pizza from every fucking pizza parlor in the country, if that’s what she wants.

My gratitude is so immense that I haven't stopped crying. Every morning, I wake up with immense gratitude, but tonight, it's hitting me harder. I think about all those times I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep living and thank the universe, the stars, and God for making sure I made it this far. I can't believe this is my life now. I have more than I ever imagined possible. I'm married to the hottest, most thoughtful man in the universe. We have the most beautiful, perfect baby together and are surrounded by so much love.

"Thank you," Lach says suddenly. "For what?" I frown as I open my eyes. "For loving me,” he says, kissing my hand. “For choosing me.” Another kiss. “For never leaving me.” Another kiss. “For being my best friend.” Another kiss. “For this baby.” Another kiss. “For being you. For everything. Thank you."