The Step Bro Situation (Situationship #1)

by Jesse H. Reign

“Maybe we should all go for a run?” suggests Luke. I’m trying to reserve judgement on this guy. I swear I am. My dad’s married to his mother, there’s nothing anyone can do about that. We have to get along, but if he’s going to go around saying dumb shit like that in my presence, I can’t see myself being able to be around him for any length of time. I really can’t.

A morning person, an energizer bunny, a momma’s boy, and fuckwit. Not a good combo.

“Your dad is the only dad I’ve ever known,” he says lightly. He turns his gaze and fixes me with an overly intimate smile. “Thanks for sharing him with me.”

I have no doubt about it; what I’m watching is tantamount to the seduction (and or sexual assault) of a yogurt lid.

The only thing stopping me from getting Gould in a headlock, dragging him to the ocean and liberally waterboarding him, is societal norms. I toy with the idea anyway. Surely, if I called him Bud as I did it, I could use ‘I drowned him as a friend’ as part of my defense?

I know my value, that’s how. And you’re not going to talk to her like that,” I point furiously back to where we’ve just been, “and talk to me the way you talk to me through the wall.”

“Feels like my heart’s beating out of my chest when you smile at me like that.” I smile and whisper, “This is it, Jess.” “Mmm?” “Right here, right now – this is what good feels like.”

“My heart feels a little swollen, like it’s too big for my chest, and I feel like I’ve done something I’m not used to doing. Something big, you know?” He steps closer to me and whispers, “I feel okay most of the time, but when I’m away from you it hurts.”

“It’s not ‘cause you’re a guy,” I say, mumbling a little this time. “It’s because you’re you.”

What do you think’s going to happen? We just live happily ever after? “Yeah. Pretty much, actually.” Well, fuck me sideways. That doesn’t even sound like the worst idea I’ve ever heard.

“This is what she does. She doesn’t want me when she has me, but whenever I get on my feet, it’s like she has this sense…Fuck. I feel crazy for saying this, I mean obviously no-one actually has some fucked up sixth sense that lets them know when their kid’s doing well, but I feel like she has this way of knowing when I’m doing well, when I’m okay without her…and she can’t stand it.”

“The stupidest thing of all is that I hate when she ignores me. It makes me feel like shit. Like I’m invisible. Like I don’t exist. So I should prefer it when she gets like this, right? But I don’t because I know when she’s like this she’s not okay. I know it’s fucked up, but I just don’t know how to be okay when she’s not okay.” I want to shake him and yell that she’s horrible and manipulative and she knows exactly what she’s doing. I want to tell him that she’s co-dependent and he shouldn’t have to be the parent in the relationship. I don’t though, because I said I wouldn’t say anything bad about her and I meant it. It hurts him when people do that, and I will never be a person who hurts him.

“Fuck!” He all but yells as soon as I close the door. “What the fuck? I mean what in the actual fuck am I supposed to do? She’s fucking hysterical, all alone, crying her eyes out. I can’t leave her like that. She has no-one in Sydney. My dad’s going to hate me. Or she’s going to hate me. What do I do?” He’s not almost yelling now. He’s fully yelling. His voice is ragged and raw. It sounds like it's being torn from his throat. “How the fuck do I decide? How the fuck am I supposed to…” “You don’t have to decide.” He looks at me blankly. His rage at the situation pauses briefly, then turns around aiming itself squarely at me. It does less than nothing to deter me. If anything, it makes me more certain. “You’re not going.”

When things happen in her life that upset her, Jess no longer spirals with her. He’s able to see her pain or discomfort without feeling like it’s happening to him.