The Step Bro Situation (Situationship #1)

by Jesse H. Reign

My dad looked like he was about to split in half and shit a great big golden egg of pure joy out of his ass.

Their smiles occupy a worryingly high wattage.

I don’t move as I try to calculate how long I have to tolerate this hell for before I can reasonably extricate myself.

“Family hug!” yells my dad, joining in with gusto, recognizing the cue to bounce so fast it leads me to believe this is far from their first family hug. The joy in his voice is so pure and unadulterated it makes me feel like I’m going to be sick.

and think how unbelievably lucky orphans are to have no parents. No parents. No stepparents. And best of all, no stepbrothers. Lucky fuckers. They’re living the dream and they don’t even know it.

I do things with my eyebrows to suggest that I, too, am finding it hard to accept this strange version of reality.

It’s not often I’m wrong. It’s a peculiar feeling. Can’t say I care for it.

The only thing stopping me from getting Gould in a headlock, dragging him to the ocean and liberally waterboarding him, is societal norms. I toy with the idea anyway. Surely, if I called him Bud as I did it, I could use ‘I drowned him as a friend’ as part of my defense?

“My heart feels a little swollen, like it’s too big for my chest, and I feel like I’ve done something I’m not used to doing. Something big, you know?” He steps closer to me and whispers, “I feel okay most of the time, but when I’m away from you it hurts.”

“I’m, er, not really much of a cuddler.” Understatement much? “I’m the world’s best cuddler,” he says with total confidence. “Get over here, I’ll teach you.”

He’s done another sketch and instead of fighting me for it, he’s left this one out for me to see. It’s a buff, blond guy at a club. He’s wearing all black and his chin is tilted down. He’s lifting the hem of his top as if he means to use it to wipe sweat from his face or something. His nipple and abs are exposed. He has a determined look in his eyes. It’s a powerful image. He looks like a force. An unstoppable force. Jessie used color this time, pink and purple, an opaque wash that highlights the features of his version of me.

What do you think’s going to happen? We just live happily ever after? “Yeah. Pretty much, actually.” Well, fuck me sideways. That doesn’t even sound like the worst idea I’ve ever heard.