Surprised by Oxford

by Carolyn Weber

I began reading, and the more I read, the more I wanted to read. Once the Bible gets under your skin, in its powerfully charismatic way, if you pardon the pun, then we all have favorite passages, or perhaps a certain specific passage that particularly spoke to us at a significant moment. For me, as a lover of literature, and that particular night, it was the opening chapter of John. As I sat there in my tiny room with the slanted floor, the words started blurring on the page. Before I knew it, tears escaped my eyes. I tried blinking them away, but they kept coming. I blinked again. Hard. The words on the page came into sharp focus. Then everything all of a sudden became very, very clear. I knew that Jesus was who He said He was. Plain and simple and true and everlasting. I knew that I wanted to know Him. To know Him first, and then to know Him better. I knew that I had been an idiot, proud and imperfect, despite all my best efforts. I had been hard on myself and hard on others. Who would have guessed that when you really look at it, perfectionism (like anything else) can be a sin? Everywhere I turned in the labyrinth, I was met by an impenetrable wall. The only way out was to be lifted up, or a ladder out of my want. There existed no act, no achievement, nothing I could do. The only freedom was in faith. And then I knew what I did not want. I did not want to return home, wherever that may be, again and again in my life, to no one, and finally, to nothing of any importance....