Up in Flames

by Eden Finley

“Did you mean what you said to him on the phone?” His voice is even smaller now. “For him to never call either of us again? Yes.” “Not that. The part where I deserve to be cherished.” I stalk toward him, closing the gap between us, and I cup his cheek as I look him in the eyes and say, “Every. Fucking. Day.”

“I wish you could see you the way I do.” He lifts his gaze, his big hazel eyes shining up at me. “How’s that?” “Precious. Rare. We might not have always gotten along, and while the blame could be put squarely on my shoulders for that, I told myself I was doing the right thing. That you were happy with Eman, and even if I did confess my immature thoughts that I saw you first, you’d still choose him because he’s so much more put together than I am.” “You saw me first?” he rasps. “There’s not a day goes by that I don’t kick myself for not asking you out before he did.”

“None of your ex-roommates taking the third ticket tonight?” The best thing about Gabe dating Aleks is the season tickets he buys Gabe and me. Last season, we only got two, but this season, he bought three for if I wanted to ever bring someone who, quote, “Actually likes hockey.” Unlike Gabe. “No. They apparently all have lives that don’t revolve around sports ball. I was tempted to join them, but did you know that as a partner of a hockey player, I’m supposed to show support and what the fuck ever? And if I go by myself, I have to deal with WAGs. Please don’t make me deal with WAGs. It’s an abomination I even know what WAGs are.”

“And … he thinks watching boring hockey is the way to be cheered up? There’s something wrong with that man. You should stop fawning all over him.” My eyes widen, and I wince as I glance at Remy, but Remy laughs. “Hi, Gabe.” “Oh, fuck. Umm, fawning as in, you know, being friends with you and making sure you’re okay. Not sleeping with you. Which he isn’t. That I know of. He didn’t tell me anything.” “I want a work divorce.”

“Yes.” Gabe jumps to his feet, both fists high, as the lights flash with a Seattle goal. “Great assist, babe. Keep it up!” I mutter, “He knows Aleks can’t hear him, right?” “It’s cute he pretends he doesn’t know hockey.” Sanden’s eyes shine with amusement at the sight of his best friend cheering. Aleks skates over to us, and he and Gabe both high-five the glass. And I stare. Struck with the overwhelming urge to cry. Why a stupid high five does it, I’m not sure, but something about Aleks and Gabe being so publicly dorky makes me ache for that.

I’m not going to go back to screaming again now they’ve made me self-conscious about it, but the offer warms me anyway. So Sanden takes matters into his own hands. “Smash him into the boards! Take out his skates!” He turns to me, eyebrows raised. When all I do is stare pointedly at him, he turns his sights on Gabe. “You gonna make me do this alone?” Gabe sighs. “You just want Remy to stand up again so you can check out his ass.” I snort into the drink. Gabe reluctantly stands and yells, “Hit him with the chair!” Sanden shoves him. “Dude, wrong sport. You’re a disgrace to the Crosby name.”

I might not know what the hell I’m doing after tonight, but for now, I let myself be in the moment. Checking out a hot man, while he’s being a dork with his equally dorky friend. It’s worlds apart from what I’m used to. I love it.

“So that was a side of you I haven’t seen before,” Sanden says, turning to look at me over the center console. “Yeah, I … sorry.” “Stop saying sorry. I liked it.” “You did?” “Yeah.” He rubs his stubble. “Not as much as I like naked Remy, and funny Remy, and showing off Remy, but verbally abusive hockey fan Remy was an experience.”

Gabe suggested I rent out the entire revolving restaurant on top of the Space Needle because his boyfriend did that for him once, and he said it was the best date he ever had. But then when I googled how to do that, he burst out laughing because he was merely showing off how much money Aleks has.

I think … for me, it’s all about time. Having it and giving it. It’s finite, you know? You can’t buy more. If someone gives you theirs, that’s important.”

“Gone quiet,” he taunts. “I’m fighting with myself over what to say next. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and go too far.” “What do you mean?” “Some of the things I think about you sound obsessive, even to me.” He leans in, the smell of his cologne making my head swim, and runs his tongue around the hinge of my jaw, all the way up to my ear. “I’ve obsessed over you for years, Remy. Never hold yourself back with me.”

“Sometimes I look at you, overwhelmed by how good you are. By how I could ever believe the lies about you because deep down, you just … you make me happy. Your energy, being around you, I crave it. More than I’ve ever craved anyone. I want to be near you, Sanden. Always near you. Close. And not even sexually, which, hey, I want that too. But I’m not used to that being the second thing I think about when it comes to a man I like.”

“Tell me you don’t know what I mean. Tell me all you want is sex when you look at me.” His gaze pings between both of my eyes. “I …” “Do it.” Sanden’s rasp is throaty and raw. “It hasn’t been like that since we first met.” “See?” I tug his lip between my teeth. “Even if you’d lied, I wouldn’t have believed you. But you can’t, can you? Lie to me?” “You’ve got me wrapped around your fingers.”

“Wanting to be a support for your partner is also a healthy goal, so long as you understand that you can’t be their only support. It also can’t be the only foundation a relationship is built on.”

“Actually, he said you were both in time-out and then turns into a kicked puppy literally every time you’re mentioned.” “We’re … taking a break.” “Yikes.” “Thanks for the confidence.” “I just don’t understand. You both seemed so into each other. Outside of me and Aleks, you were the cutest couple I knew.” “Yeah, but how many couples do you know?” “A lot, I’ll have you know. But … they consist of manchild hockey players and my ridiculous

“I’m working on myself,” I tell Gabe. “Eman messed me up, and Sanden deserves better.” “He deserves you, Remy.” “The problem is I don’t deserve him. Not yet.” “You know, when I first met Aleks, I had some hang-ups. A super-rich, wildly successful, famous sports star and … me? But he made me realize that there’s no score chart. And thank fuck for that because I would have lost big time. All we have is the way we treat each other. That’s all you need.”

“I’ll never say no to one of your hugs.” The moment I say that, Gabe’s boyfriend comes back from the bathroom. “Or one of Aleks’s.” I wink at Aleks. “I missed you, boo.” Aleks laughs. Gabe does not. “Just for that, I’ll leave you two to pretend you’re each other’s soul mate, and I’m going to go talk to Remy. Because unlike other people standing here, I’m not in a grown-up time-out with him.” Damn. Hitting me where it hurts.

“I’m on my way.” “Good. Because you’re one of my good-luck charms. I need you in those stands.” “Aww, what are soul mates for? I’ll be there whenever I can.

Movement on the dance floor catches my eye. “That motherfucker.” “Who?” “Your boyfriend and my work husband.” Aleks follows my gaze. “Well played, Gabe.” He turns to me. “I’m going to go pull my man away from your man because this whole joking about being soul mates bit is our thing.”

We both hit the dance floor, making our way through couples dancing, and approach Remy and Gabe, who are laughing. Probably at us, but oh well. “Excuse me,” Aleks says, bodychecking them both and somehow landing in between them. “Oops, how did I get here?” Gabe smiles at his boyfriend. “It’s a real mystery.” Aleks whisks Gabe away,

Aleks has a home game tonight, doesn’t he?” “Yeah, and it’s his fault I drank so much. I was all woo, you can be designated driver because your coach will kill you if you turn up hungover tomorrow.” “Sure. His fault. Let’s go with that. Anyway, I’m wondering if you’re taking anyone to fill those season tickets of yours.” “Nah, I wasn’t even going to go myself tonight. Too sick, and hockey is slow and boring as it is.” “You are a disgrace to the Crosby last name, and you should be stripped of it immediately.” “Ugh, you sound like Aleks.”

“We have Rex and Bumrag.” I could still kill Wren for training our dog to only answer to that name.