Up in Flames

by Eden Finley

If I’d known … Fuck, if I knew Eman was going to do this to him, I would’ve told Remy a year ago that I’m hopelessly, stupidly in love with him and he should leave the guy who never grew up.

“You’re imagining what Eman’s reaction would be if he found out that instead of breaking down after he left, you partied, aren’t you?” “Is that petty? It’s petty, isn’t it?” I lean in. “Honey, after being left at the fucking altar, you’re allowed to be petty.” Remy stands. “Then instead of having a pity party, let’s throw a petty party.”

“How do you know that didn’t lead to sex? You’re hot, and we were drinking and—” “We’re still wearing our clothes, plus there’s no mess.” “Of course there’d be no mess. I swallow!”

I might be here to make sure Remy’s okay, but after this honeymoon, I’m not sure I will be.

Remy stays in only his underwear, which surprises me, but not as much as when he walks around me, trailing his fingers up my back, and then leans in close to my ear and whispers, “So you know, payback’s a bitch.” And that’s when I know I fucked up.

Sanden wishes me good night, rolls over, and spoons Paulie, and I lie there staring at his broad back, jealous of a fucking pillow.

So I let it go and creep up close behind him, as silently as I can. When I’m by his ear, I drop my tone and say, “Duh-dun.” “Remy …” “Duh-dun … duh-dun … duh-dun, duh-dun, duh-dun …” I bite down into his shoulder. “You little shit.” Then before I can stop it, he spins around, picks me up, and throws me across the pool. I’m getting dangerously addicted to how easily he throws me around.

“Did you mean what you said to him on the phone?” His voice is even smaller now. “For him to never call either of us again? Yes.” “Not that. The part where I deserve to be cherished.” I stalk toward him, closing the gap between us, and I cup his cheek as I look him in the eyes and say, “Every. Fucking. Day.”

“I wish you could see you the way I do.” He lifts his gaze, his big hazel eyes shining up at me. “How’s that?” “Precious. Rare. We might not have always gotten along, and while the blame could be put squarely on my shoulders for that, I told myself I was doing the right thing. That you were happy with Eman, and even if I did confess my immature thoughts that I saw you first, you’d still choose him because he’s so much more put together than I am.” “You saw me first?” he rasps. “There’s not a day goes by that I don’t kick myself for not asking you out before he did.”

“You look so sexy and desperate.” “That’s because I am desperate.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re an amazing EMT. You save lives. You have a big heart. You’ve been through some things, sure, but it’s not going to beat you because you’re incredible, Remy. You’re so many things, but stupid isn’t one of them, sweetheart.”

“Because you’re a good boy.” “When it comes to you, I’m beginning to think I’m really, really not.”

I think … for me, it’s all about time. Having it and giving it. It’s finite, you know? You can’t buy more. If someone gives you theirs, that’s important.”

“Even if you’d lied, I wouldn’t have believed you. But you can’t, can you? Lie to me?” “You’ve got me wrapped around your fingers.”

Him. Me. Sex.

I don’t want to be his savior because after witnessing him stand up for himself, I know he’s strong enough to push through, but I want to be his support. I want to help lift him up and get his life back together.

Remy and I are drowning in each other, thinking we can make each other float, but eventually, one of us has to let go, or we’ll both get hurt.

“It’s not our time,”

“I’ve lied about so much. Why I became a firefighter. Why I still do it. But most of all, I lied when I said I was okay.” Tears hit my cheeks. “I’m so not okay.”

Only the closer I get, the more I realize Sanden looks exactly like me. Lost.

“Actually, he said you were both in time-out and then turns into a kicked puppy literally every time you’re mentioned.”

“What if I lose you again?” “Not happening,”