Up in Flames

by Eden Finley

If I’d known … Fuck, if I knew Eman was going to do this to him, I would’ve told Remy a year ago that I’m hopelessly, stupidly in love with him and he should leave the guy who never grew up.

Remy’s a paramedic for Station 21, the nearest firehouse to Station 40, where I work, so our paths cross often. I’ve always thought he was cute, and in the beginning, we’d even flirt.

all I could think about while reading this book was 911 and how it would be if buck and eddie worked at different stations

“You’re imagining what Eman’s reaction would be if he found out that instead of breaking down after he left, you partied, aren’t you?” “Is that petty? It’s petty, isn’t it?” I lean in. “Honey, after being left at the fucking altar, you’re allowed to be petty.” Remy stands. “Then instead of having a pity party, let’s throw a petty party.”

Remy bursts out laughing, and it’s the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard.

So I let it go and creep up close behind him, as silently as I can. When I’m by his ear, I drop my tone and say, “Duh-dun.” “Remy …” “Duh-dun … duh-dun … duh-dun, duh-dun, duh-dun …” I bite down into his shoulder. “You little shit.” Then before I can stop it, he spins around, picks me up, and throws me across the pool.

“Did you mean what you said to him on the phone?” His voice is even smaller now. “For him to never call either of us again? Yes.” “Not that. The part where I deserve to be cherished.” I stalk toward him, closing the gap between us, and I cup his cheek as I look him in the eyes and say, “Every. Fucking. Day.”

“I wish you could see you the way I do.” He lifts his gaze, his big hazel eyes shining up at me. “How’s that?” “Precious. Rare. We might not have always gotten along, and while the blame could be put squarely on my shoulders for that, I told myself I was doing the right thing. That you were happy with Eman, and even if I did confess my immature thoughts that I saw you first, you’d still choose him because he’s so much more put together than I am.” “You saw me first?” he rasps. “There’s not a day goes by that I don’t kick myself for not asking you out before he did.”

“And I’m not in love with Remy. He’s just …” My ideal guy, perfect in every way, and—I drop my head to the table and sigh. “He should’ve been with me that whole time,” I mumble into the glossy wood.

Gabe reluctantly stands and yells, “Hit him with the chair!” Sanden shoves him. “Dude, wrong sport. You’re a disgrace to the Crosby name.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re an amazing EMT. You save lives. You have a big heart. You’ve been through some things, sure, but it’s not going to beat you because you’re incredible, Remy. You’re so many things, but stupid isn’t one of them, sweetheart.”

Remy would’ve assumed I was trying to ruin their relationship to get to Eman because, as it turns out, Eman thinks the sun shines out his ass. I never wanted him. It’s only ever been Remy.

am, however, going to use every moment we have together to my advantage by showing him he’s worthy, he’s not stupid, and if he wants to yell and scream at some hockey players, I’m going to yell and scream at some hockey players alongside him because he should get to do what he wants. Live his life the way he chooses.

And maybe that guilt is still there, maybe I never asked Remy out because I believed I didn’t deserve a happy ending, and just maybe, I’m letting us happen now because part of me knows he’ll go back to Eman eventually. Or he’ll get over Eman by using me as a rebound, and then he’ll move on. Because I deserve to suffer. I’ve watched Remy with someone else for three years, and once he’s done with me, I’ll have to see it all again.

“Sometimes I look at you, overwhelmed by how good you are. By how I could ever believe the lies about you because deep down, you just … you make me happy. Your energy, being around you, I crave it. More than I’ve ever craved anyone. I want to be near you, Sanden. Always near you. Close. And not even sexually, which, hey, I want that too. But I’m not used to that being the second thing I think about when it comes to a man I like.”