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I wince to think of the price willingly paid for loving me.
She never suspected I was the Bastard, the unacknowledged son who had toppled Prince Chivalry from his place in the line of succession. That alone was a big enough secret. Of my magics and my other profession, she knew nothing. Maybe that was why I could love her. It was certainly why I lost her.
I’m alive and well; I just look like a corpse.’
The Skill can be a soft whisper in a man’s ear. It doesn’t have to be a shout of command.’
‘I dreamed of you. While I was gone.’
Do you know how easy it is, Fitz, to follow a man you believe in?’
Molly was waiting for me in my dreams, and the only peace I knew.
Cold nose against my cheek. I opened my eyes. He sat beside me, regarding me. Cub. Nighteyes, he corrected me. My mother named me Nighteyes. I was the last of my litter to get my eyes open.
You saved my life, yesterday. You saved me from a death in a cage. I think that I had been alone so long, I had forgotten what it meant to have a friend.
I looked at Molly again and something inside me gave way. It took me four steps to cross the room to her. I knelt beside her chair and as she drew back from me, I seized her hand and carried it to my lips.
Molly had turned her face aside from me. I held her hand and spoke quietly. ‘I cannot go on like this any more. No matter how foolish, no matter how dangerous, no matter what any other may think. I cannot be always apart from you.’
‘What would your father say to me?’ he wondered aloud as I turned wearily away from him. ‘I don’t know,’ I told him bluntly. ‘I never knew him. Only you.’ ‘FitzChivalry.’ I turned back to him. Burrich met my eyes as he spoke. ‘I don’t know what he’d say to me. But I know I can say this for him, to you. I’m proud of you. It’s not the kind of work a man does that says he can be proud or not. It’s how he does it. Be proud of yourself.’
‘Is it peace to lie awake and wonder who will die next, where will they attack next year? That is not peace. That is a torture.
At a certain bend in the path, overshadowed by trees, I caught up to her. She gasped as I light-footed up behind her, to lift and swing her suddenly in my arms. I landed her on her feet and kissed her soundly. Why it felt so different to kiss her out of doors and under the bright sun, I cannot say. I only know all my troubles suddenly fell from me.
‘Molly, they would have to kill me to keep me from you,’
She dresses so just to come to speak to me? She dresses so to … attract you. How could a man so astute at reading men be so ignorant of women?
Well, have a cup of tea. It does wonders to soothe the nerves. Fool, pour my boy a cup of tea.’
‘A man can die of failure, Fitz. Do you know that? Once, I told you, the fight isn’t over until you’ve won.
‘Who’s dying?’ he asked. ‘All of us. One day at a time, we’re all dying. Did no one ever tell you that?
King Shrewd’s company more congenial than that of other fools, he flung the teapot at me. Put Wallace in a fair bit of a huff, for he had just brewed up as nasty a mess of herb tea as would make one long for the perfume of farts.’
Fear warred with triumph in me. I had Skilled. We had been spied upon. But I had Skilled, alone and unaided!
I met Celerity’s eyes. She had no doubts. If I had never known Molly, I would have found her beautiful. But when I looked at her, all I could see was who she was not. I had no heart left to give to any woman, let alone at a time like this.
Morning comes. I know. I do not wish to think of it. Morning, when dreams must end and reality be endured.
