I Didn't Know I Needed This: The New Rules for Flirting, Feeling, and Finding Yourself—An Unfiltered Relationship Manual with Candid Insights, Embrace the Chaos of Modern Dating

by Eli Rallo

I love fearlessly and deeply. I am proud of how I love even though it fucks me over at least once a year. I love more than anyone could ever return to me and I know that to be true. The way I love has gotten me into trouble and into wonder. It has led me astray and walked me back home and told me “you’re doing the best you can.” And it has given me the ability to share my so-called wisdom with my peers. What gives me the authority to recommend how to live, or love? Nothing. I’m just willing to do so.

“If you like them . . . just tell them. Worst case it’s a good story, best case, it’s the rest of your life.”

Subconsciously, we feed girls the idea, from birth, that marriage = the end goal. Nobody really ever says it outright, but it’s learned in subliminal ways.

But if the only reason you’re trying to heal is for someone else’s approval, you won’t ever heal.

I know you love me, but I don’t know why you do.

We all want to be loved and desired. What isn’t okay is when the want to be desired is your only want.

Bad news teaches us something. It makes us work for the good stuff.

It’s also about if you like them!

The stakes are low, so keep them low—you’re just trying this person on!

reframe the way you look at them. The stakes are low, the point is simply to get to know other people—lower the stakes, lower your expectations.

comfort can bring complacency.

decenter embarrassment from your life. YOU DON’T KNOW HER. Risking being rejected is nothing if you don’t fear rejection. You’re in control here.

Because the truth is the majority of people aren’t viewing us the way we fear they are. We must perceive ourselves, with the truth we know and hold close.

This is why you should always do what you WANT to do, and not what you think they want you to do. With the right person, you doing what you want to do is the sexiest choice you can make.

Those are seven versions of the same exact idea, getting the same message across—the way you word something will not alter your chances of being with them and will change

I didn’t want to convince him otherwise. I’d never want to fall in love with someone and realize they weren’t who they’d convinced me they were. I’d never want to fall in love with a person when they’d pretended to be someone else.

It is our job to find comfort in solitude.

The reasons for every no had finally made themselves known.

step one is to believe that you deserve the good shit.

You have to respect yourself before someone else can.

you have to respect yourself before you can accept love from someone else.

love is the willingness to give and receive joy despite the bad things—through the bad things—to

And being alone isn’t lonely. It just is.

You don’t miss them, you miss the feeling they gave you.

OOF

Failure > Complacency rule (you’d rather fail!)

You don’t have to like me, I am self-aware enough to understand that not everyone will, but you should aspire to respect everyone in your path. It is a shit show otherwise.

A love story could be just me recognizing my own worth, me taking control.

Love is taking someone as they are and saying you’re kind of fucked-up and funny and sad and gorgeous and I love you so much I couldn’t do without you. It’s feeling that way about yourself.

<3