I Didn't Know I Needed This: The New Rules for Flirting, Feeling, and Finding Yourself—An Unfiltered Relationship Manual with Candid Insights, Embrace the Chaos of Modern Dating

by Eli Rallo

I wish I knew that love sometimes isn’t enough. We’re told it is. We’re told love conquers all. That it lifts us up where we belong. And I’m all for being hopeful and romantic—but a relationship is a life, and a life needs more than love. It needs communication, healthy problem solving, priorities in tandem, enough water, and two people with similar schools of thought.

And love is the willingness to give and receive joy despite the bad things—through the bad things—to love someone as a whole being, even when they feel a little half-hearted or unformed.

I’m not suggesting that relationships need to be hard, or should feel hard. They are hard. That’s the baseline. That’s why they’re so special. Why they’re so worth it. Why they feel so good. And the right one, with the right person, will feel easy even when it’s hard.

But that was a story I was writing for myself. I held the pen and ink. It was my mind that was coming up with all the little thoughts that convinced me that I was unlovable. So I could also get the whiteout. I could get the eraser, and I could start with a clean page. I could rewrite the story I told myself.