I Didn't Know I Needed This: The New Rules for Flirting, Feeling, and Finding Yourself—An Unfiltered Relationship Manual with Candid Insights, Embrace the Chaos of Modern Dating

by Eli Rallo

“It’s cool that you are human and so am I—it makes us nuanced and interesting and troubled. It makes me want to know the folds of you more.”

They will have insecurities and anxieties and fixations and favorite foods. So do you. The beauty is unpacking all that with someone who says, “I think you’re even sexier now that I know.”

I’d walked away from our first date feeling comforted and comfortable, and that was pretty much all I felt. I didn’t feel head over heels in love. I didn’t feel like signing the marriage papers tomorrow. I didn’t feel like he was this great prince. I felt like this person was really interesting and I wanted, badly, to see him again. I felt like I’d enjoy continuing to know him—I was intrigued but not infatuated.

Sometimes something just feels safe. And it gradually becomes more than safe. It grows into something wonderful and strong. It becomes a real-life magic trick. Something that makes you cry if you think about it too much and too fully.

I’d lived moments like this before but this one felt strikingly different. I felt sort of like I could say anything and he’d listen. It was a walk through the park. A glass of champagne. It was perfectly sunny out and I couldn’t wait to see him again before it was even over.

I knew there’d never be a right way to close the chapter, to say farewell to the place that brought us together. But I knew there was a wrong way, and we were living it. I was blindsided by moments I’d buried away.

I had known it was going to be hard to say goodbye in May, but we’d have had closure. Graduation. Celebration. We’d have been prepared for “see you soon.” This reality was uniquely emptying—a hollowness surmised best without any words at all.