Most Ardently

by Gabe Cole Novoa

It was a special thing, to have one’s reflection in harmony with who they were.

Being recognized for who he was brought him a euphoria like nothing else he had ever experienced. You see me, he thought, and it made him so happy he wanted to laugh out loud.

There was a time when being referred to as a girl or a woman felt off, like trying to force two ill-matched puzzle pieces together, damaging both in the process. But the discomfort that was once easily ignored became exponentially more painful once Oliver experienced the euphoria of being seen as himself, as a boy, for the first time. It seemed the longer he spent in the bliss of being the boy he was always meant to be, the more miserable he was forcing himself to play the part of the girl he never was.

“You should know my name is Oliver. And I’m … I’m your son.” Mr. Bennet’s smile grew into a full grin, spreading across his face like a plant turning its leaves to the sun. “You most certainly are,” he said, and then his arms were around Oliver.

I’d like to take a moment to talk about queer people in history. Specifically in England, during the Regency era. In the early 1800s, being queer was not, strictly speaking, illegal—however, sodomy laws very much existed (which, of course, most frequently endangered queer men). Still, until 1828 the burden of proof was incredibly high, requiring multiple witnesses. The Regency era was sort of an in-between period; in the era before it was quite common for people to be openly queer, but in the era after—the Victorian era—that all ended. Nevertheless, even in the eras where it was (comparatively) safest to be openly queer, queer men were still expected to marry women and have children (and queer women were expected to do the same with men). As for Molly Houses, they were indeed a part of England’s queer culture in Oliver’s time. The name itself, Molly House, came from the term “molly,” which was slang for an effeminate man that was sometimes used as a slur and sometimes used as a common noun. While some amount of sex (and possibly sex work) took place at some Molly Houses, others were more like clubs (some of which were known to host early versions of drag balls!) or coffeehouses—like the one Oliver attends. Unfortunately, Molly Houses were at times targeted by police raids both in the 1700s and 1800s, leading to arrests and violence, but even with that risk, they provided safe places for queer men in particular to be themselves. (I’ll note that though I made the Molly House...