Most Ardently

by Gabe Cole Novoa

To my trans siblings: We deserve romances that will sweep us off our feet too. That’s why this book is for you.

He. Oliver couldn’t stop smiling.

he saw in the mirror was totally different when he wore men’s clothes, but there was always a part of his brain whispering that he was a fraud.

#relatable yeowch

That he would never be like Darcy, or Bingley, or any other person recognized as a boy at birth.

I don't want to be attacked like this

Do you really think you’ll ever meet someone who will take you as a husband at all?

Son.

“Oh,” said a soft voice behind him. “You’re leaving.”

:( poor bingly

“You have such beautiful childbearing hips,” Collins said the moment they stepped into the center of the room, apparently managing to think of the worst possible thing to say.

“I’m afraid an unfortunate ultimatum is before you,” Mr. Bennet declared. “Going forward, your relationship with one of your parents will never be the same. Your mother will never speak to you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never speak to you again if you do.”

Oliver’s mouth dropped open. “Darcy?” Darcy’s head jerked up, eyes wide before their gazes met. He arched an eyebrow, then slowly his face relaxed into a hesitant smile. “Oliver! I’ve … never seen you here before.”

WAHOO

“I can’t imagine,” Darcy said, “that you could ever be unextraordinary.”

Every woman. Every lady. Miss. Miss. Miss.

The discussion around him faded entirely as the room blurred. His chest was tight, his pulse racing, his palms cold with sweat. An impossible heat surrounded him, and while his face burned his head felt light.

Me too

“Who told you?” Darcy’s voice was low, so quiet Oliver almost thought he’d imagined it altogether.

This is so sad

“Who told you?” he repeated, his voice breaking.

Oliver couldn’t tell him, not now. Not ever.

You are being a coward

Mrs. Bennet loved him, of course she did, but she loved a version of him that he could never be, not forever.

YEOWCH

As for why she hasn’t become engaged to someone else, that is not for me to say.

LESBIAN

Ordinarily this may have been slightly awkward, but generally fine except for one thing: Oliver was wearing trousers.

FUCK

it was Elizabeth.” Darcy’s brow furrowed. “… Elizabeth?” Oliver grimaced. “Elizabeth … Bennet.” Darcy’s mouth dropped open and he took a step back. “Bennet?”

Darcy laughed. Hard. And Oliver wasn’t sure what to do with that. A small, nervous smile crept over his lips as Darcy doubled over laughing, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Elizabeth Bennet!” Darcy exclaimed, looking up at Oliver at last. “As in the—the person I proposed to just a few weeks ago?”

This is so silly

“So you’re telling me,” Darcy said, sitting in the grass, “that in my panic about kissing a boy, I ran off to ask a boy to marry me. Out of every possible socially acceptable person I could have asked in England, I chose the only one who wasn’t actually a girl.”

This is quiet darling

The grin that lit up Darcy’s face in response would live in Oliver’s memory forever.

Mrs. Bennet actually smiled and said, “Require my son to wear a dress? Well, that wouldn’t be proper at all.”

Shes so chill