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God is concerned with the heart—the well-spring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart.
We tend to worry more about the “what” of behavior than the “why”. Accordingly, most of us spend an enormous amount of energy in controlling and constraining behavior. To the degree and extent to which our focus is on behavior, we miss the heart.
When parenting short-circuits to behavior we miss the opportunity to help our kids understand that straying behavior displays a straying heart.
One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and glory of the God for whom they are made.
by age ten to twelve, have effectively left Mom or Dad as an authority or reference point for their lives.
We lament the passing of this way of rearing children because we miss its simplicity.
Experience may tell you failure is inevitable, but experience is an unsafe guide.
The only safe guide is the Bible.
God’s ways have not proved inadequate; they are simply untried.
You exercise authority as God’s agent. You may not direct your children for your own agenda or convenience. You must direct your children on God’s behalf for their good.
The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.
children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless.
The parent is the child’s guide. This shepherding process helps a child to understand himself and the world in which he lives.
This shepherding process is a richer interaction than telling your child what to do and think. It involves investing your life in your child in open and honest communication that unfolds the meaning and purpose of life.
As a wise parent your objective is not simply to discuss, but to demonstrate the freshness and vitality of life lived in integrity toward God and your family.
You need to direct not simply the behavior of your children, but the attitudes of their hearts.
your parenting goal cannot simply be well behaved children. Your children must also understand why they sin and how to recognize internal change.
The law of God is not easy for natural man.
Its standard is high and cannot be achieved apart from God’s supernatural grace.
A person’s life is a reflection of his heart.
The heart determines behavior.
behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart.
If you are to really help him, you must be concerned with the attitudes of heart that drive his behavior.
A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable.
My happiness depends on possessing it. I will have it and be happy regardless of what that means to you.”
I want my happiness, even at your expense.”
All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart.
Your concern is to unmask your child’s sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed.
The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience.
He responds according to the Godward orientation of his heart.
Is life organized around knowing and loving God or is the family in a different orbit than that?
“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ” (Colossians 2:8).
Are problems solved by biblical principle or by power?
Immature children learning to master the skills of living in a sophisticated world inevitably make mistakes.
