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When we miss the heart, we miss the gospel.
Those internal issues: self-love, rebellion, anger, bitterness, envy, and pride of the heart show our children how profoundly they need grace.
The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being a kind authority, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God’s world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God.
You may not direct your children for your own agenda or convenience. You must direct your children on God’s behalf for their good.
is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.
As a wise parent your objective is not simply to discuss, but to demonstrate the freshness and vitality of life lived in integrity toward God and your family. Parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God’s wisdom.
Therefore, your parenting goal cannot simply be well behaved children.
When you fail to hold out God’s standard, you rob your children of the mercy of the gospel.
They teach that behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart. Remember, the heart is the control center of life.
Remember, his behavior does not just spring forth uncaused. His behavior—the things he says and does—reflects his heart.
Jesus censures them as people who wash the outside of the cup while the inside is still unclean. Yet this is what we often do in childrearing. We demand changed behavior and never address the heart that drives the behavior.
All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart.
You must learn to work from the behavior you see, back to the heart, exposing heart issues for your children. In short, you must learn to engage them, not just reprove them.
Is life organized around knowing and loving God or is the family in a different orbit than that? “See to it that no one takes you captive through
Are the values of your home based on human tradition and the basic principles of this world or on Christ?
Every family has established family boundaries.
A child is trained to be a fool or a prudent, wise man by the shaping influences of the home.
Some parents show a marvelous ability to see failed attempts as praiseworthy efforts. They always encourage. They are adept at neutralizing the effects of a fiasco.
You make a grave mistake if you conclude that childrearing is nothing more than providing the best possible shaping influences for your children. Many Christian parents adopt this “Christian determinism.” They figure that if they can protect and shelter him well enough, if they can always be positive with him, if they can send him to Christian schools or if they can home school, if they can provide the best possible childhood experience, then their child will turn out okay. These parents are sure that a proper environment will produce a proper child. They respond almost as if the child were
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It is the fear of the Lord that makes one wise and it is that wisdom that determines how he responds to the correction.
Children are worshipers. Either they worship Jehovah or idols. They are never neutral.
To be sure, the young child may not be conscious of his religious commitment, but he is never neutral. Made in the image of God, he is designed with a worship orientation. Even as a young child, he is either worshiping and serving God or idols.
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).
It is ungodly child abuse. Rather than yielding a harvest of righteousness and peace, this sort of treatment leaves children sullen and angry.
as God’s agents you cannot discipline for mere matters of self-interest or personal convenience.
Your correction must be tied to the principles and absolutes of the Word of God.
There are objectives that direct our choices as we raise our children. Some folks can articulate their goals. Other goals may be implied by the choices parents make.
have you no concern as a Christian parent for the values implied and taught by the coaches and instructors of these activities?
What is a biblical definition of success?
Have you noticed that no books promise to help produce children who esteem others?
Patient, godly correction is precluded by the urgent pressure to change behavior.
How do we do this? We pander to their desires and
wishes. We teach them to find their soul’s delight in going places and doing things. We attempt to satisfy their lust for excitement. We fill their young lives with distractions from God. We give them material things and take delight in their delight in possessions. Then we hope that somewhere down the line they will see that a life worth living
is found only in knowing and ...
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People will respond well to a child who obeys, but you cannot make that secondary benefit of obedience the primary reason for obeying.
Biblical counsel leads your children to entrust themselves to God’s care and protection. It teaches sensitivity to the needs of the offender. “If your enemy is hungry, feed him” (Romans 12:20). It reminds her that God says to bless those who curse us. In short, it is counsel that can only function in the context of biblical revelation. This counsel directs the child to God and not to his own resources.
Many of these activities teach your children to
trust in themselves, when the Scripture says that those who trust in themselves are fools whose hearts turn from God.
In a biblical vision, you should instruct your children to entrust themselves to God in the face of unfair treatment. You should teach them the principles of the Scripture. Romans 12:17–21 tells us that the only weapon strong enough to overcome evil is good. We are exhorted to leave vengeance with God. He will deal with the issue of justice.
Perhaps one of the problems with this perspective is that it looks for a major spiritual event of salvation and misses the spiritual process of nurturing your children.
They need to be instructed in the character of God so that they can learn a proper fear of God.
They need to understand that all of life rushes toward the day when we shall stand before God and give account.
Tenderly encourage them to trust God. They need to trust him not only for salvation, but for daily living.
You must help your children understand the rich treasures of living in the vitality of a robust and lively faith in Jesus.
Repentance and faith are not acts performed one time to become a Christian. They are attitudes of the heart toward ourselves and our sin.
They need to know the cleansing and refreshing forgiveness of God, not just once to get saved, but daily.
In a biblical vision, manners are an expression and application of the duty of loving my neighbor as myself.
When saying “please” and “thank you” are rooted in what it means to look out for the interests of
others, they become expressions of biblical love.
