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To the Swifties who found themselves somewhere between the bridge and the chorus and let that shape how they see love and life. Long Live.
I just know I’m gonna love this book
Because the right place to start when having a mental breakdown is with a killer fucking playlist.
AMEN
The first time I fell in love with Zoe, she was scream singing a Taylor Swift song in my parents’ living room while my sister Luna laughed at her. At least, I think that’s the first time. It’s happened so many times now.
The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and happily ever afters once reality sets in. Why set myself up for disappointment by assuming otherwise?
*sigh*
We would have had a good life together. But I don’t want a good life. I want a spectacular life.
A goddamn handful. But a handful I’ll hold on to as long as she’ll let me.
“You don’t get that the need I feel to keep you safe has absolutely nothing to do with your father, Zoe.”
“Yeah, it is,” he says, and when I look at him, I realize he isn’t looking at the sky at all. His eyes are on me.
FAVORITE MICROTROPE
I think I’d follow him to Hell if I got to hold his hand when I did it.
“Wanting a man to dance with you in a parking lot because he’s so fucking in love with you he can’t wait to get you home and into his arms isn’t childish. Thinking you’re too manly to pull over and give your girl that? That’s childish.”
“What are you doing to me?” I whisper against his lips. “Whatever it takes to convince you to be mine,” he says, and my heart stops. “Zee, I’ve been yours for as long as I can remember,” I confess because it’s the truth, and in this moment, I only have the truth as an option.
His voice is low and smooth, and it makes me not want space. Not when it’s space from Zander. God, get it the fuck together, Zoe.
And I refuse to admit that Zander gave me this. This peace. And what it means that he knew I needed it.
Life keeps moving, even if you stop.
I don’t know much about the universe except that it’s never steered me wrong because it’s always directed me to you.”
Never again, I tell myself. Never again will she feel lonely.
But I don’t ask how he knew what I was thinking. It’s just Zander. It’s just us.
God, she’s so damn beautiful. And she doesn’t even know it.
I scoff out a noise, head tipping back with a laugh, and then listen to her giggle along. The most gorgeous fucking sound known to man. I’ll die on that hill.
If it keeps him looking at me like that, I would do almost anything.
That they’d be disappointed if I bought something frivolous instead of the safe, useful choice.
Ugh, being safe is so BORING tho
“Whoever you hate, Zoe, I hate too.” And for some reason, that means more to me than most anything he’s said on this whole trip.
But now . . . I can’t help but wonder what’s the point of living if you’re not working toward all-consuming joy in every moment?
“What has living safe gotten you?”
I’m so fucking in love with this woman that I can’t breathe.
Suffering. I hate it. I hate that she’s fighting herself, fighting her own desires and what she really, truly wants in order to fit some mold no one expects her to live in.
I can’t wait to spend a lifetime making sure that Zoe lives life for Zoe. That each and every thing she does fuels her soul, brings her all-consuming joy. And to be a part of that.
Because if I learned anything in the last week, it’s that I’ve been living the last fifteen years of my life for my parents. And for society. Trying to please everyone and be impressive and climb some metaphorical ladder. I realize now every rung has made me more and more miserable.
But happy isn’t always realistic or even reasonable.
OH MY FUCKING GOD! ITS LIKE YOU WANT TO BE MISERABLE UGHH
Good. It’s so much like fine. Not great but also not bad. It’s just . . . good. I’m starting to think that’s the kind of life I’ve been living—a good life. A fine life.
In this moment, I realize I’m so crazy in love with Zander Davidson, and I need to show him and tell him and give him the shot before it’s too late.
Life wasn’t meant to be lived safely. If was meant to be lived.
THANK YOU
I don’t think anyone can go back once they’ve changed. Even if they make every effort to return to who they once were, a small part of them is forever different, irreversible.
