Even in pretend, I can’t be with a man who doesn’t understand the direness of how terrible Jake Gyllenhaal is. “Fuck Jake Gyllenhaal. He didn’t even show up at her birthday party.” He keeps staring blankly at me like I’m crazy, alternating between the road and me. “It was her 21st.” “I’m sorry, are you . . . Are you angry at an actor you’ve never met because a singer you’ve also never met dated him?” I roll my eyes. “Because he dated Taylor Swift and was a dick to her.”
