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February 16 - February 16, 2024
To the Swifties who found themselves somewhere between the bridge and the chorus and let that shape how they see love and life. Long Live.
“I remember everything that has to do with you, Zo,” he says. His voice is low when he says it, a shock to my system.
I like that. His hand in mine. He squeezes it, once, twice, three times.
“You don’t get that the need I feel to keep you safe has absolutely nothing to do with your father, Zoe.”
“It’s silly. The idea that someone is so crazy for you they want to drop everything and dance in the parking lot or kiss in the rain. I was raised on The Notebook and fairy tales and Taylor Swift. It’s hard not to idealize dumb things, I guess.”
He tugs until I step out, and he walks me back five or so steps before pulling me in, his arms around my waist, my hands instinctively moving around his neck. “What are we doing?” I whisper, familiar music playing as I dance in the headlights in a parking lot with Zander Davidson. “We’re dancing in a parking lot, Zoe.”
“Wanting a man to dance with you in a parking lot because he’s so fucking in love with you he can’t wait to get you home and into his arms isn’t childish. Thinking you’re too manly to pull over and give your girl that? That’s childish.”
“What are you doing to me?” I whisper against his lips. “Whatever it takes to convince you to be mine,” he says, and my heart stops. “Zee, I’ve been yours for as long as I can remember,” I confess because it’s the truth, and in this moment, I only have the truth as an option.
While she laughs, I reach out to her hand, pulling it across the table and manipulating the straw wrapper onto her ring finger. God, it looks good there.
“No more doing things that don’t bring you immense, all-consuming joy, Zoe. Not while I’m here.”
“Stop. Stop with the excuses. Stop with the denials. This is something. Always has been. The universe decided this week was our time, and here we are. I don’t know much about the universe except that it’s never steered me wrong because it’s always directed me to you.”
“I want to start every single day on this trip learning something about you. I want to know all of your midnight secrets.”
“Zoe, I like every fucking version of you: the princess who used to chase me around with a wand and try to turn me into a toad, the version that sang karaoke in my living room like she didn’t care who was watching, the version that wrote in diaries about how big of a crush she had on me then left them under my little sister’s bed.”
“I love the version that keeps a ticket from a concert we went to fifteen years ago. I love the version that wants everyone to see her value, and I fucking love the version who jumped into her car to go on a random road trip with me. I love the version that doesn’t want me to get crumbs in her damn Jeep, and I love the version that gave in when I told her I needed food. I love the version that remembers crazy things we did as kids because that means we have memories together since the beginning.”
“You’d really spend a day at a theme park targeted for little kids just because you told me you’d take me when I was twelve?” He sighs and smiles like he can’t believe I still don’t get it before he answers. “I’d go anywhere with you, Zo. Disney it is.”
Even in pretend, I can’t be with a man who doesn’t understand the direness of how terrible Jake Gyllenhaal is. “Fuck Jake Gyllenhaal. He didn’t even show up at her birthday party.” He keeps staring blankly at me like I’m crazy, alternating between the road and me. “It was her 21st.” “I’m sorry, are you . . . Are you angry at an actor you’ve never met because a singer you’ve also never met dated him?” I roll my eyes. “Because he dated Taylor Swift and was a dick to her.”
“Dance with me, Zoe.” “In the rain?” “Everywhere. Anywhere,” I say, and the words sound like a whisper in the loud rain.
I’m so fucking in love with this woman that I can’t breathe.
One hand squeeze for the little girl who would chat with me at midnight. She taught me that it’s the smallest moments that will stick with you. One for the girl who turned me down, who wasn’t ready for us. She taught me to be patient, that waiting for what I wanted would make it all the sweeter. And one for the woman who took a leap of faith and drove around while I tried to convince her to fall for me. She taught me that you’re never too old to play pretend.
