The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

by David Thorne

If we accept, though, that Jesus was the son of an Infinite Being capable of anything, he probably did have a PlayStation. Probably a PlayStation 7. I know I have to get my offspring all the latest gadgets. God would have probably said to him, “I was going to wait another two thousand years to give you this, but seeing as you have been good . . . just don’t tell your mother about Grand Theft Auto.”

I have heard that the best way to protect yourself during a bear attack is to roll into a tight ball and cover your face, but I am pretty sure a flame-thrower or a special suit that metal spikes spring out of when you press a button would be more effective.