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“I told you I didn’t have a heart, and maybe that is true. Maybe when you and I were created, my heart was designed for you. I’m starting to believe that life broke my heart, so the pieces could fit perfectly in yours to make it whole again. It’s yours, Avalanna. Keep it or break it; it was only ever yours to begin with. Just promise to take care of it. Protect it. Live with it. But most importantly, don’t be afraid to love with it because, as you once said, what is life without love?”
He holds his wrist out and there is a little Go Kart with the number one on it.
Jason places that arm down and lifts the other. The fresh ink stands out against the older ones. It’s a constellation that I recognise straight away. “23rd November. A Scorpio. We aren’t a very good match.”
“The stars are my only constant.”
He points to the side of his neck. The little ice cream has a small smiley face on it. I lean in close to see the sun rising behind it.
thought I loved him more than he loved me, but I was wrong. He fought his love to protect me from the heartbreak of losing him.
Jason turns his neck and points at the same spot on the other side. A stack of books with a single musical note fills the small gap that was once there.
“Write a book about heartbreak. It will be a much better read and way more relatable. Not everyone falls in l...
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“I have always found comfort in music.”
Jason lifts his t-shirt above his head and points to his chest, where his heart rests. I take two slow steps until I am eye-to-eye with his tattoo. It’s only a few inches big, but it has swallowed me whole. I lift my fingers and trace the tattoo just above his skin. I close my eyes and let my tears fall as memories of us overwhelm me. It feels like they are crawling all over my skin before taking hold of my neck and wringing my life out. I open my eyes and the tattoo is still there, looking at me. The cartoon elephant has a smile on her face.
Literally sobbing 😭
“Everything I did, it was for you,” he whispers. “One day, you will understand why it has to be this way, Avalanna. This world never let me call you mine, but that is okay because look again.” He points at all his tattoos again, but I am still confused. “You are wherever you can feel my heartbeat. You are what keeps it beating, my Avalanna.”
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults. I pray you never know how it feels to be broken and alone. Live your life, little one. Non solum est. Vivamus.”
But heartbreak is inevitable, little one. It isn’t only falling in love that causes heartbreak. Not everyone falls in love, but we are all heartbroken. People will let you down, hurt you and abandon you. Don’t let it consume you. Let it go. Accept that people come and go. Things will change. Love is not constant, but that isn’t a bad thing. Appreciate it while you have it, and search for it when it’s gone. Because you will find it again, little one. Love will always find you. Just remember to turn the page. The story only stops if you put the pen down.”
“No. You are the sun and I am the moon. The world can’t live without either, but you and I can’t exist together. And for you, my Avalanna, I would die every night just to see you rise again.”
“Sometimes strength isn’t shown by how long you can hold on but being able to let go.” His sigh is deep. “I wish you were strong because you make me weak, Avalanna.”
“Maybe in another life, we will be sat across from one another planning our future. Rather than being two people, scared to let go of the past because it is all we have.”
If I ever have the pleasure of meeting you in another story, I hope we are brave enough to love each other out loud. It’s been a privilege to have had my heart broken by you, Jason Finnegan-Hart.
The problem is, when you sit with pain, it festers into something deeper.
“Because I have immortalised Jason. Jason will only exist in the stories we tell. I want the whole world to know who Jason Finnegan-Hart was. He was not perfect, but he was real, exactly like this book.”
Jason may have left, but he is to me what the stars were to him. He is my light in the dark. He is my protector. He is my saviour. He is my constant.
So tonight, we celebrate Jason and tomorrow, we live the life that was stolen from him. We carry him in our hearts and share it with the world. We stop running from love and embrace it. We fall so we can fly. We find happiness in what surrounds us, we let go of anger, and we really live. Non solum est. Vivamus.”
