“You don’t know that!” he says, his face filled with panic. “Okay, okay, I’m going.” I slide my panties on and pull on my pajamas as he sniffs the air like a cartoon dog. “Oh my God. It smells like straight-up fucking in here!” He scrambles out of the den and into the kitchen as my laughter follows him while I pull on my shirt. Eli comes back in, unloading a can of Pledge, his trigger finger happy as he clouds the room with it, some of the spray hitting my mouth. “Eli!” I screech, waving the cloud away from me. “You think they’re going to believe we’ve been dusting at one-thirty in the
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lmao
