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paramour
The Sightmother had found it the next day, as the Sisters went through my belongings before I began my tests. She had held that notebook for a long time, staring down at the paper with her blindfolded gaze. “What is this?” she asked me. “It’s the ocean,” I said. “No,” she said. “It is paper.” Her magic shredded the parchment in seconds. I hadn’t known then that the sight of those shards of paper swept away into the ocean was one of the last things I would see with my eyes alone.
“But hey, maybe you’ll be different. You’re just his type, actually.” “His type?” Erekkus leaned forward and gave me a conspiratorial smirk. He held out a finger with each word. “Beautiful. Mysterious. Dangerous. And an obvious, clear-as-the-fucking-moon mistake.”
Never once had I questioned my vows to the Arachessen. Not until now. And immediately, I hated myself for it. I thrust that shameful thought away, far into the back of my mind, and slammed the door. “I know, Sightmother. I only…” Her thumb moved back and forth, back and forth, across my hand. “You have had a more difficult thread to walk than your Sisters,” she murmured, voice soft. “You have a burden to bear for the rest of your life. I understand that. The Weaver understands that.” And yet, her words made me feel so deeply ashamed.
We were warned of this, as young Arachessen. That sensations, physical connection, would be unusually powerful for us given the way we navigated the world. Like most things based in emotion, this was treated as a danger, a weakness to be culled. My only clear thought in this moment now was, Horseshit.