Putting Out for a Hero (Villainous Things, #3)

by C. Rochelle

It was Simon who replied, no surprise. “Perhaps your body is going into fight mode, Baby Hulk, in response to the threat of adulting. Except, in your case, that means all available blood has rushed to the only head of yours that continues operating under duress.” It was my turn to roll my eyes, although I did it where Simon couldn’t see. Since he’s fucking terrifying.

It was absolutely ridiculous for me to covet this villain as an oversized playmate for Daisy. And it was even more insane that I kind of wanted to keep him for myself as well. But here we were.

I’d felt unsettled, as if I were forgetting something important, and my chest ached the same way it did after certain Deathball matches. I’d felt… empty.

“I think we need to show these stuffy dead relatives who the real queen is around here,” I drawled in my snootiest tone. Not waiting for Daisy to reply, I lifted her up to deposit on my shoulders. “There. Now you can look down on them and their Judgy McJudgerson faces.” She squealed with delight. “Not all of them are dead, Blunty. Not yet, anyway—ha!” A true villain.

Simon had a natural talent for making it sting.

“Would you… like to see where I swim?” His question caught me off guard. I’d actually thought he’d been about to proposition me into a circle jerk for two. And we’re going to ignore how I wasn’t immediately opposed to the idea.

I’m straight, but I’m just not thinking straight. Oh, no. What if my supersuit was so tight it cut off my air supply… Through my nuts?!

Suddenly, I felt like the one showing weakness—being the land mammal alone with an aquatic, possibly egg-laying, lizard-man in his element.

“And do not cut me again, okay? Please…” Oh. Ohhhhh.

“Thanks for the tour, and for cutting me… cutting me FREE, I mean. And for showing me your hole. YOUR SWIMMING HOLE! Jesus Christ, I’m done. I’m fucking done. I’m just gonna go to my room now. Alone. So I can… be alone for… alone time. Jesus.” My beast was clawing to get out. I watched as this ridiculously stacked, awkward bundle of villainous sweetness adjusted his hard-on before spinning on his heel and fleeing the scene of his bi-awakening. I must have him.

I could still hear Simon in the background—ranting about a pay raise and threatening to quit if he had to ‘hold Baby Hulk’s hand through his hetero shit show.’ Dude, same.

As the eldest, he was the equivalent of Wolfy in this family, and if my brother ever spoke to me in that tone, I would probably faint like one of those weird goats.

This was dangerous territory, because Baltasar needed to remain a means to an end. Stealing him from Dahlia—and aligning with the Suarez clan for myself—would assert my dominance within my family.

? I get that aspect to a point, but I thought a big part of this had been to have Balty too? He keeps calling him mate, even if it’s his beast mostly, and he’s been obsessed with him… just now that he might be bi, instead of wanting HIM he’s being like this? So yea, touch confused.

I didn’t have much experience with little girls—since my only sister was older than me—so I wasn’t prepared for the shrieking. So much shrieking. “Eeeeeeee! Bluntycups! I lurve it so mu-huh-huch. A UNICORN?! How did you know unicorns are my favoritest thing everrrrr…”

Zion was so damn hard to read sometimes, and I still wasn’t sure if I’d overstepped by randomly dropping a couple grand on his kid. And some notable change on him.

Zion smiles so broadly, I swear, I heard his jaw crack. “You got a thing for big, handsome lizards, huh?”

Imma wrap my dick in Lizard Grip.

Ohhhh Balty 😂😂 jeezus louizuz the third, I don’t see this going well and/or it’s gonna be hella embarrassing

I’m just gonna own this dumpster fire.

“That’s not how it works, D. I can’t just… take what I want.” “Why not?” She jutted out a hip as she continued relentlessly. “This is your house, isn’t it, Daddy?” I sharply inhaled, but stood a little straighter at her words.

Instead, he was staring down at me with a heady mix of disbelief, awe, and a desire so intense, I felt it closing in around me. It was intoxicating and made my chest ache so badly, it would have freaked me out if I hadn’t already experienced it in his presence before.

There was nothing like running through the forest while only wearing a jockstrap to make you question your life choices.

I wanted to make him proud. Jesus, I really am a praise whore. And a lizard whore.

Why can’t I smell like you do? Like Old Spice and testosterone had a baby that immediately roundhouse kicked the nearest person the second they were born.”

“Look at that…” he murmured, and when his hungry gaze met mine again, his pupils had turned to slits—zeroing in on his prey. Chill, dude. My ass can’t handle another lizard mating dance just yet.

If Wolfy was The Stare of Death, Zion would have been dead, buried, and already returned to the earth.

Perhaps. Maybe I knew full well Zion had feelings for Balty, and suspected Baby Hulk felt the same. Maybe I decided to set up some forced proximity through his engagement with Dahlia. Butt Pirate: What. Lizard Dick: What? The Mafia Queen: WHAT?! The Mouthy One: [Popcorn emoji]