Assistant to the Villain (Assistant to the Villain, #1)

by Hannah Nicole Maehrer

“That time ‘little tornado’ sounded like an insult.” “When were you under the illusion it was a compliment?” he whispered back incredulously.

funny

“That is a terrible thing to joke about.” Her little sister nodded, looking satisfied. “That’s why I said it.”

lol

It was never good to wish someone the same pain or discomfort you were feeling, but it was always very nice to not be alone with it.

literally what our king Jesus is for

“Fine, I’ll do it myself,”

lol i’ll do it myself 😤😤

These things weren’t built for people with high levels of anxiety, but at least she looked pretty.

🙂‍↕️

“Where do you think you’re going?” “Oh, I was just going to…” And to his surprise, she turned hard and sprinted through the crowd.

lolll

He’d never been this sentimental, and it was all her fault.

aw he’s obsessed

“All right, go ahead. Yell at me.” “Oh? Am I supposed to yell?”

man

“Would you like to dance?”

YEEEEESSSS

She was a person he greatly admired and respected.

respect 🙂‍↕️👑✊

I feel like my life keeps happening to me, rather than me living it.”

feel

Her gaze open and honest as she laid her weaknesses bare, like they were worthy of every part of his attention. She had it, all of it.

aw

“Not that working for you is exhausting… It’s more like…” “Taking years off your life?” he supplied helpfully.

he supplied helpfully lolll

“As if anyone would ever want to watch you and me argue.”

me me me 🙋‍♀️✋ i do

It was a nearly perfect moment. And then the screaming began.

bruh

“Fantastic. I think I’ll have a picnic while I’m down here,” he called back with his normal dryness. Oh yes, he was fine.

lol sass king

“So destruction is his solution?” Evie rolled her eyes, pushing her loosened hair out of her face. “Men,” she scoffed. “Yes, we can discuss the obvious weaknesses of my sex later.”

lol peak banter

she saw a body slouched against the tree, hood pulled over their face. Blade looked confused. “Is that man…taking a nap?” “Or he’s dead!”

bruhhh lol

“I’m not dead, just a little less alive.”

fantastic sentence we’ve got here

“Who’s that?” Blade asked, looking uncomfortable. “Oh, and who are you?” “He’s the host of the party.” Evie rolled her eyes. Blade frowned sympathetically. “Oh, well, other than the melting people, I think it’s going really well.”

lol this guy

A man terrified of a woman’s tears? I never would have guessed.

lolll

“Of course.” She sniffed. “You all are valiant and brave. I should’ve known better. You see, I have my monthly cycle.” One of the knights choked, and she was pretty sure another dropped his sword on his foot. Women’s tears scared men, but the functions of the female body clearly sent them into apoplectic fits.

lolll not a fan of the misandry but it is funny

It was the last thing she saw before she settled her lips onto his.

oh!!

If it’s just a dream anyway… He sat up quickly, arms whipping around her, fingers pulling lightly through the soft locks of her hair. He tugged gently, nearly groaning when a gasp escaped her lips, and angled her head so he could taste her fully. He licked at her lips, one of his hands coming down to her waist and squeezing, trying desperately to bring her closer. The small sounds she was making in the back of her throat nearly undid him. He’d never thought himself a man with a particularly good imagination, but the way she was holding on to him, sweet but fierce, and the passion behind her kisses… It ruined him. How could the reality of kissing her possibly surpass the euphoria that was pumping through his veins at what his own imagination had conjured?

oh!! this is most exciting our mans is IN LOVE LOVE

“What were you going to say, love?”

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS YESSSSS YESSS “love” 😭😭 kill me nowww

“I told them about our troubles with conceiving, dear.” The Villain was almost certain that if there had been an attempt made at conceiving with Sage, he would remember. Vividly.

lol

“What did you say your name was, my lady?” Trystan stepped quickly toward her and swept his arms about her shoulders, tucking her into his side. “She’s taken,” he said flatly.

ok king “playing” the role well i see

“Be gentle with the lady.” But he was smirking when he said it. Trystan’s breathing hitched when he saw Erix lean toward Sage’s ear and whisper, “Yes, real gentle, of course.”

uhm disgusting

The Villain smiled at the man, enjoying watching the knight falter as The Villain’s hand gripped around the blade and squeezed. The sharp cut into his palm was nothing. Blood dripped down Trystan’s hand as he used all his strength to push the sword in the other direction. By the grace of surprise and by the weakness of the other man, Trystan was able to knock the sword completely aside and spring to his feet, slamming his bloody fist into the knight’s face. He fell to the ground with a thud, and Trystan was on him.

king beHAVIOR that’s terrifying absolutely terrifying what a badA

sickening thwack, blood spurting from the man’s nose and mouth in a satisfying bloom of red. The knight fell backward, unconscious before he hit the ground. The Villain stretched his neck from side to side and drew his sword as he stood to look at Sage and the other knight, who was still on his hands and knees.

hot? lol what noooo.. 👀 unless?

Trystan chuckled as he moved the tip of his sword to the man’s taut chest. “Oh, but I’m afraid you didn’t catch The Villain.” He whispered the next words so quietly, even Sage wouldn’t hear. “The Villain caught you.”

HOLY FRICKIN AIRBALL WHAAAAT A KING

“You meant her harm,” Trystan bit out, his power surging around him. “And that is enough for me.” And then he shoved the blade into the man’s chest, piercing his heart and killing him instantly.

… chivalry is not dead chivalry is a killer itself apparently

But she surprised him when she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. “Thank you,” she mumbled into his shoulder while his arms remained stiffly at his sides. He wasn’t sure what to do. The last time someone had hugged him—well, to be quite honest, he didn’t remember the last time someone had hugged him. He’d forgotten how unnerving it was. “Um,” The Villain muttered awkwardly. “I don’t know what to do now.”

aw cute for them

she moved his hands in a light embrace. Leave it to his assistant to completely disarm him in her misunderstanding. “You just put your arms around me,” she instructed, returning her hands to his neck. “It’s not hard.” She was breathing fast. “You ruined my dress.” “I’ll buy you another,” he said, slowly bringing his arms up farther to circle her warmth, feeling frustrated and a little embarrassed at the stiff unsureness of the gesture. He was an intelligent person—figuring out the mechanics of affectionate touches shouldn’t have been so difficult. “Good.” She exhaled into his neck, no doubt soaking her dress even more on the red dripping from his own shirt. Sage pulled back to look at his attire and smiled lightly, scrunching her nose. “I think you’ll need a new shirt as well, sir.” He stared at her, wholly unfazed by the gruesomeness surrounding them. Acting as if he’d just closed a business deal rather than murdered a man in front of her. And she was smiling at him.

😭😭 absolutely peak

she moved his hands in a light embrace. Leave it to his assistant to completely disarm him in her misunderstanding. “You just put your arms around me,” she instructed, returning her hands to his neck. “It’s not hard.” She was breathing fast. “You ruined my dress.” “I’ll buy you another,” he said, slowly bringing his arms up farther to circle her warmth, feeling frustrated and a little embarrassed at the stiff unsureness of the gesture. He was an intelligent person—figuring out the mechanics of affectionate touches shouldn’t have been so difficult. “Good.” She exhaled into his neck, no doubt soaking her dress even more on the red dripping from his own shirt. Sage pulled back to look at his attire and smiled lightly, scrunching her nose. “I think you’ll need a new shirt as well, sir.” He stared at her, wholly unfazed by the gruesomeness surrounding them. Acting as if he’d just closed a business deal rather than murdered a man in front of her. And she was smiling at him.

they’re so cute 😭 i ship

The Villain came to an unbidden realization then, so completely tragic that his mind tried to reject the words. But they were there, so plainly it was almost comical. He was in love with her. Of all the foolish, horrific things he’d ever accomplished, falling in love with a woman he so completely didn’t deserve made the top of his list. But he did love her. It wasn’t a question or even a sudden realization. He’d known, hadn’t he? He’d known from the moment she’d called him pretty. It was like a tether was between them, wrapped directly around his heart, that she had the power to push and pull at her leisure. Evangelina Celia Sage was woven into his being; in the blink of his eyes, in the crinkle of his smile, in his rusty unused laughter, she was there. From the moment he’d met her, he thought of her like the sun. Bright and vibrant, untouchable. But he was wrong. She wasn’t light; she was color. Every single one, dancing otherworldly and bright over his unworthy eyes. She was the explosion of the vivid gleams and glows of the world around him, like a constant rainbow, shining not after the rain but during. She was everything he never deserved but longed for anyway. He remembered the blood on her clothes, the employer who had hurt her before, the unjust way she’d been treated, and the final nail in the proverbial coffin was that echoing, agonizing word. He was ruined. But he loved her anyway. He knew she might feel the same, by the way she responded to him, but he couldn’t...

holy crap hoooooooly crap oh my gosh this writing and his love for her everything everything everything

Hugs were her very favorite thing in the world, or hand-holding, or even a kind pat on the shoulder. Evie had always felt very different from people in the twists and turns of her mind, but touching she could never get wrong. Hugs meant you cared about someone, hand-holding meant you wanted them close,

she gets it

Attractive murderers were always good kissers;

according to the books i read… the logic is there

it was ridiculous to do anything just because you thought you were supposed to.

🙂‍↕️

“I’m a man. I can’t ask for directions.” The Villain quirked a brow, looking like he was on the verge of something unscrewing inside his head. “You’re right, little tornado. I should simply find the nearest individual in Hickory Forest, in the dead of night, and say, ‘Greetings! My assistant and I are looking for my estranged father because he was taken into custody by the Valiant Guards. You see, they think he’s The Villain. When The Villain is, in fact…me.’” Evie opened her mouth to respond tartly, but he continued. “‘Oh, and have you seen a rare, fatally dangerous beast known as a guvre? We lost one.’”

wait why he kna funny

“They took my fucking horse.”

idk why but this has me in tears lolll

“Oh, she’ll be fine. Evil never dies.”

lol

“It’s probably a rodent or something,” Evie whispered. Suddenly, the branches parted to reveal Becky, disheveled and stumbling through with a wild, frantic look in her eyes. “Oh, look at that. I was right,”

lolll why she so sassy

And why did the thought of anyone hurting Becky make her want to break things? What a strange day.

aw she cares

“I think one assistant against several well-trained royal guards is a bit of an unfair fight. Don’t you?” “I can handle myself just fine.” Evie narrowed her eyes as he spun her around to face him. A twinkle shone in the dark depths of Trystan’s stare. “I wasn’t worried about you.”

👑 absolutely royal behavior

“What if he dies, Trystan?” Clare’s voice broke. “What if he dies?” “He won’t.” It wasn’t reassurance; it was a vow.

bros villain arc is never ending

Her boss frowned for a second. “Do as you wish, Sage. Just—” He swallowed hard, then reach out and hoisted her up onto the back of the second horse in a rush of strength. “Just be careful.”

aw caring

slipping into the shadows like they were welcoming him home.

peak writing

His guards, who had the best kind of loyalty—forced—hadn’t

lol

“I was surprised to see how much you care for your…employees.” She used a plural word, but they both knew she was referring to a single person. “At first I thought Malcolm was exaggerating.” “He wasn’t.” Trystan didn’t have it in him to lie. “In fact, I’m sure he understated it.”

awww