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You were wrong about me, Maksim. I’m not brave. I’m not strong enough to jump into this fire. I’m not strong enough to overcome this kind of fear.
It’s the mental, emotional comfort of feeling truly content. A hole in my soul that is no longer screaming.
moya zhena?”
Sow this tragedy and reap it into his downfall.’ Jesus. That’s some condolence note. That man is Bratva to the core.”
“Do you want to hear my theory?” I ask. “I think you like when I fight you. Everyone else is scared of you, but I press back. And you like it. It turns you on. Doesn’t it, baby?”
“It’s a pashmina shawl,” she explains. I smile blankly, and she chuckles. “It’s cashmere. Very nice cashmere. It’ll keep you warm, and it has the added benefit of looking absolutely stunning.”
“You got my son to fall in love with you. If you can do that, you can do anything.”
Seeing her that way, breathtakingly beautiful, swollen with my children inside her… It unearths this primal possessiveness inside me.
Malen’kaya Rossya. Little Russia.
“Ishchu okhotnika.” I’m looking for a hunter.
“You want me to say it? Fine! Yes, I was beyond fucking terrified when I heard that explosion go off. I could barely see straight. It’s a wonder I managed to get myself down to you in one piece. But—fuck—but…” A shadow passes over his face as he forces his eyes to level at mine. “But letting myself care about you was a mistake. Nearly losing you blinded me to everything else. I can’t afford to let that happen again.”
“Misha, you’re my cousin, my don, and my best friend. I’ve known you my entire life, and I’ve loved and respected you for the entirety of it. But if it comes down to betting on you or Paige… brother, I’m betting the house on her.”
I’m not sure I’m capable of being a good father. The only thing I did right is choose the best mother for both of you. She has everything I lack. And already, I know she’s going to love you the way that every child deserves to be loved.” I sigh and correct myself. “The way every person deserves to be loved. She deserves that, too. A full life with a husband who can step up for her. Someone to be the protector she never had. To be the kind of husband that she always wanted. But I don’t have it in me to love her that way. Because if I lose her…”
“The two of you are our gift to each other,” I whisper into the darkness. “I’m hoping that will be enough.”
It only occurs to me when I can finally breathe again that my wife knows exactly what she’s doing. For the first time, this is a war I might lose.
“Get on the bed and spread those legs for me like a good little kiska.”
moya zhena.
My wife
I made myself uncomfortable for him without even considering what I wanted. I’ll have to unlearn that.
I just have to hope I’m not a fool for daring to believe I can have it all.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like you were not worthy of me, kiska. I’m sorry I forced you into a loveless marriage. But I’m most sorry for making you think that I didn’t care. Because the truth is, I love you, Paige Orlov.” He brings my hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my knuckle. “I’m sorry I took so long to say it.” 28
“You’re wonderful, Misha Orlov. You may not be able to name five things you like about yourself. But I could keep going forever.”
You’ll get it one day, Maksim told me not long before he died. When you wake up next to a woman and realize that your sole purpose in life is to make her happy and keep her safe. That the quiet moments are the ones you’re living for. He was right, of course. It
“You are super cute. Have I told you that lately?” I twist my mouth into thought as my hands find her hips. “I’ve gotten handsome. Sexy. Powerful. Charismatic. But no, never ‘cute.’”
It will take time. Have patience. The Babai never fail.
“No one appreciates a parent quite as much as the child who’s never had one.”
“But the thing is, when you meet the right person… you can’t stop love. No matter how hard you try.”
Then, to my surprise, she jerks upright, flips up the hem of her dress, and withdraws a glistening knife from a leather holster strapped to her upper thigh. Quick as a flash, she presses the tip of the blade gently against my chest. “Dead,” she pronounces solemnly. “And your gravestone will read, Should’ve been more afraid of his wife.’”
mladshaya sestra.”
Younger sister
