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Do you want to hear my theory?” I ask. “I think you like when I fight you. Everyone else is scared of you, but I press back. And you like it. It turns you on. Doesn’t it, baby?”
“You got my son to fall in love with you. If you can do that, you can do anything.”
Seeing her that way, breathtakingly beautiful, swollen with my children inside her… It unearths this primal possessiveness inside me. I want to scoop her in my arms and carry her to our room. I want to mark her as mine.
“You want me to say it? Fine! Yes, I was beyond fucking terrified when I heard that explosion go off. I could barely see straight. It’s a wonder I managed to get myself down to you in one piece. But—fuck—but…” A shadow passes over his face as he forces his eyes to level at mine. “But letting myself care about you was a mistake. Nearly losing you blinded me to everything else. I can’t afford to let that happen again.”
“There’s no way I can wear this. I look like a pregnant stripper. I look like a Winnie the Pooh sex doll. I look like Shrek ate Shrek.”
“I want to give you the best home, the best life,” I whisper to my future children. “But I’m not sure I’m capable of being a good father. The only thing I did right is choose the best mother for both of you. She has everything I lack. And already, I know she’s going to love you the way that every child deserves to be loved.” I sigh and correct myself. “The way every person deserves to be loved. She deserves that, too. A full life with a husband who can step up for her. Someone to be the protector she never had. To be the kind of husband that she always wanted. But I don’t have it in me to love
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I made myself uncomfortable for him without even considering what I wanted. I’ll have to unlearn that.
I have no clue what I’m feeling or what I’m doing. But I do know that we can’t continue on like this. Forever fighting, living in an endless push and pull, a tug of war that’s wearing us both down to the bone. So I’m going to make a decision. I just have to hope I’m not a fool for daring to believe I can have it all.
I’m sorry I made you feel like you were not worthy of me, kiska. I’m sorry I forced you into a loveless marriage. But I’m most sorry for making you think that I didn’t care. Because the truth is, I love you, Paige Orlov.” He brings my hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my knuckle. “I’m sorry I took so long to say it.”
“You’re full of shit, kiska. Now, shut up and let me hold you.”
She pushes me back onto the bed playfully and kisses my neck. I can almost hear my brother’s voice in my ear. The quiet moments are the ones you live for. That motherfucker was always right.
“I’ll shove a dainty little princess foot up your ass if you keep talking down to me, Mr. Orlov.”
“Unhappiness is unhappiness. It doesn’t really matter if you live in a castle or a hole in the ground.”
It’s frustrating as hell because all I want to do is bend her over that desk and fuck her senseless. But watching her work is a turn-on, too. A catch-22 designed by the devil himself.
“All thanks to Paige,” Niki says. “She’s like the wizard who gave ole’ Tin Man his heart.”
“Paige Orlov has a kink for outdoor sex. Who knew?” “I have a kink for you,” I correct. “We just happen to be outdoors.”
