The Two of Us

by Taylor Torres

now

I pull up my favorite playlist and raise the volume to a decibel that would probably concern most people. But it’s the only way to push reality into the recesses of my mind, just the way I like. The way I need.

“What do you like?” “Books. Movies. Books turned into movies.”

My Ambrose. My golden boy.

Being touched by someone can feel meaningless until you’re touched by the right person.

The very marrow in my bones calls out to him,

This always happens. I get myself pumped up to hang around a ton of kids, and then once I do, I crave nothing more than to be back home in my bed curled up with a book or watching a movie

“I know you like I know myself.”

Something blooms inside of me and I want to water it every day and let it grow because it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever felt.

I’m suddenly convinced that my hand was made to fit perfectly inside of his. I don’t want to let him go.

And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that fear can bind you. Keep you away from the things that could very well fill your soul. The things that could heal you. We’re well acquainted, fear and I.

flexing the hand that touched me.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE MR DARCYYYY WHOOOOO

“Be kind. Be funny. Be interesting. That is where you will find your power.”

No matter how much you love someone, you can’t save them from drowning. They have to love themselves enough to learn how to swim.”

Naturally, our bodies start drifting closer. Like we’re opposite poles on two magnets. Like we don’t have a choice. Like we’re inevitable.

His gaze latches onto mine—a million conversations being had without words.

“But we were never meant to stay this small.” I want to drown out his words. Because I want to be small again. I want to hide away and disappear into the crevices of these walls. The world is too expansive—its mouth is always opened wide and ready to swallow us whole.

“I know they’re your favorite.” I look at him sideways. “You remembered that?” “I remember everything about you.”

“Why does he do it?” Ambrose whispers, almost to himself. “What?” “Why does George risk his life to save him?” I trace the stitching on his quilt with my thumb. When I look up, I hold on to his gaze like he held on to me under that ice. “Because he loves him.”

You two always find your way back to each other.”

there it is, there is the light I’ve been searching for. She was a blazing torch, an ember in the flames, and if you were lucky enough to be in her presence, she shone on you. Danced around you with that… with that glow of hers.”

“And I love her,” he whispers like it’s a curse and a blessing. “I would choose to disappear in her light any day.

“I don’t want you to thank me for showing up for you. I want you to expect it from me. Because I’m confident enough to know that I’ll follow through every single time. In whatever way you need me, I’ll follow through.” Then he says, “Rest. I’ve got you.”

us three? We’re soul mates.”

“I always have time for you, Mara.”

“If I lost you? If I fucking lost you, Mara?” His voice cracks. “I wouldn’t survive it. I just got you back.”

“You keep… flirting with me and while it’s fun and feels good at the moment, it’s confusing. We didn’t reestablish a friendship just for me to become one of your little playthings.” “Okay let me stop you right there.” His voice hardens. “You are not and never will be a plaything to me.” “Then what am I?” “Everything. You’re everything to me.”

“Because I missed you. I missed you every fucking day. I miss you right now and you’re right in front of me.”

“Greedy,” I murmur, a little breathless. “Only for this. Only for you.”

Love is the best thing that can come from pain like that.”

But when it happens, I know I’ll look at Wednesdays a little differently for the rest of my life.

Take care of him, Gilly. Take care of her, Dad.

Im done

“I’ve loved you since the day you knocked on my front door with that godforsaken cat in your arms.” I choke out a warbled laugh and his voice becomes rough with emotion. “I’ve loved you since that kiss outside of Old Maple and I’ve loved you since we both lost the person we loved the most. I loved you then and I love you now. And if you’ll have me… I’ll love you until my last breath.” My tears fall freely now. “You’re the love of my life, Mara, but you’re my best friend too. I like you as much as I love you. I could have a million lifetimes with you and it still wouldn’t be enough. So, take your time.”

I realize that sometimes you have to love people more than you want to change them. She’s on her journey and I’m on mine.

Maybe that’s how we are supposed to honor those who are no longer with us. Maybe we’re supposed to keep living for them.

“Healing isn’t linear, Mara,” Mitsu says. “Some days it’s five steps forward and other days it’s seven steps back. There’s no finish line. The goal is just to keep stepping.”

even when something’s broken, we can always put it back together. And when we put it back together and embrace those cracks of imperfection, it’s even stronger and more beautiful than before.”

“It’s okay to be afraid. Just don’t let it keep you from moving forward with your life. Because there is life after this, Mara. And it can be a beautiful one.” “What if I ruin it?” Her gaze is steady. “Then you’ll fix it.”

gold. A material known for being malleable; open to change, but one that never tarnishes.

“Promise me that no matter what, it’ll always be the two of us.” I grin, squeezing our clasped hands. “The two of us. I promise.”

My god

Sally: I feel like I’m never gonna see you again. Gilly: Of course, you’re gonna see me again, we’re gonna grow old together! It’s gonna be you and me. Living in a big house, these two old biddies with all these cats. I mean, I bet we even die on the same day! Sally: You swear? Gilly: Here. My blood. Your blood. Our blood. Sally: I love you, Gilly-bean. Gilly: Yeah. I love you too.

Im not mentally ok

there can be good things that are birthed out of such horrible situations.

We have the kind of love people write about.