The Right Wrong Number

by Katie Warren

Oh, James. How could you do this to me?

All I have left of you is my favorite of your socks. I shall keep it close to me at all times, although your scent diminishes with each passing sunset. The humans in this house will not take what I have left of you away from me.

I miss you. Damn it. Now I’m so depressed, I’m e...

I wake up feeling like my chest was caving in, but that's pretty much the norm now. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I’ve actually gotten used to having to remind myself to breathe every morning, but this morning it's worse than ever. The grief is still leaking out of me like thick tar. Every day is still a search for how to let it out for fear of drowning in it.

I miss you. I miss you so damn much it hurts.

I miss your smell. I miss your laugh. I miss your everything.

There's too much silence now without you. Big pockets of it that are impossible for me to fill up.

Your absence isn’t quiet. Sometimes it’s the loudest thing on earth. It weighs down on me so heavily that it makes it impossible to breathe.

my heart is only so big, and there’s only room for one person: James.

I know it was just a mix up, a wrong number, but maybe it’s the right wrong number after all.

Damn. That smile could knock a man to his knees.

They’re all tiny puzzle pieces that I’ve been trying to put together to create a picture of this person whom I’ve rapidly grown a kinship with under the most unusual circumstances. Yet, it’s not enough. I…want more.

I’d have you hold me down while you make me tell you who I belong to. I’d want you to growl ‘mine’ in my ear until you came everywhere.

How can I have such a pang of loss in my chest over losing something that I never even had to begin with? Maybe it’s the loss of the potential, the incredible sense of potential I thought this had to lead to something. It definitely felt like something special, a deeper connection than I’ve ever had with anyone I’ve known in the flesh. I mean, I really liked…I liked Jules for…his personality, not for whatever he looked like behind his phone. And if I’m honest, I guess I still do.

His charisma is kind of addictive. I’m enjoying his company more than I thought I would. He makes me laugh like no one has in a long time. Nothing’s changed.

Does he feel this? How can he not feel this? It's so overwhelming that it takes up the whole room. It feels like it takes up the whole fucking world.

My brain can’t work properly when he’s in my presence.

My whole body feels like it could explode. This is too much. I almost feel suffocated beneath it all. I need to breathe. To think. My body is in complete overload. I've never...felt this before, with anyone.

The first man I’ve kissed since James and the guy just leaves. He walks out the door without a second glance. I let my head hit the wall with a thump, catching my breath. My heart is racing, clanking around in my chest like it wants to jump straight out of my body.

That was an I’m-attracted-as-hell-to you kiss, and I want more of them. It was one kiss. One kiss and I’m already falling for him.

I just got the best kiss of my life, and I was abandoned by the person who delivered it.

He’s here. He’s with me, and he’s enjoying this.

I can’t get enough of the way he kisses me. It’s explosive, all-consuming, like I’m the only thing that matters.

Everything feels overwhelming when I’m in his presence, my senses heightened like seeing everything through a new set of eyes.

I’ve never in my life not wanted to go. I go in for a kiss, wanting to feel that special feeling again. The feeling of being consumed by him.

I’m not fucking ashamed of this. I want all of him. The feeling when we are together is so intense, so strong. It’s so undeniable that I don’t think I could fight it if I wanted to.

He called me baby, just how I slipped and called him baby last night. A feeling of warmth runs through my whole body. I love the way he praises me even though I’m clueless.

Your mouth takes me so fucking well, like it was fucking made for me,” he whispers, his chest heaving.

“Keep calling me that, and I’ll do whatever you want,”

“It’s just...you Julian. It’s just you,”

“I don’t know what this is, but what I do know is that it feels right. Everything feels right with you.”

“It’s fine if you’re scared Julian, but don’t take it out on me. Don’t stop this because you’re scared. I’m here for you. I promise I am.”

I’ve been waiting to have feelings like this for someone my whole damn life. When I finally get them, they’re cut short before they even have the chance to grow into something life changing. I know that we could be life changing, if he’d only let us.

I wish he could see that I don’t want him to stop loving James. I’m not asking him to stop loving him, I’m asking him to make room for me. I can never take James’ place, and I don’t want to. His grief over the death of his husband comes with him, and I would never try to take that away from him.

Damn. The man is talented. His words are like butter, melting into my brain.

I’m not a broken man. I’m a healing man, and I deserve happiness just like everyone else.

My body moves of its own accord. It attracts to him like a magnet.

“I’m not scared of this Julian. Why would I want to hide something that feels like...this?”

“No, because for reasons I can’t explain, being with you feels right. How can I freak out when it feels like this is the place that I should absolutely be, with the person I should absolutely be with?”

“Yes. I want to know everything about you, which means I want to know about James too. I want to know all about the person who will always hold a piece of your heart.”

I look in his direction, watching him glance down at our intertwined hands with a smile. I love that the sight of us makes him smile.

Fuck. I want to give him everything, and I want everything from him.

“Fuck. You feel so good on top of me. Like you belong there,”

“What do you want, Liam? Tell me what you want,”

“You,”

“Mark you as mine? Is that what you want?”

The trust Liam hands over to me is intoxicating. He’s all in, and I crave it. I crave him in a way I never thought I would crave anyone again. The way he just so easily conformed to this, to us, amazes me. I’ve only known him for two months, but he feels like he belongs here, like he belongs with me.

I’m falling for this man. When we’re together, nothing else matters. There is no sorrow, no reoccurring memories of James looping through my mind like a movie. It’s just me and him. Does feeling like this with Liam make James cease to exist?

I could get lost in him. His strong jaw, his dirty blonde hair. The scatter of whiskers on the face. His vulnerability. The way he trusts so easily. The size of his heart. I’m consumed by every part of him. It feels like a dam breaking, and I’m no longer able to hold back the tide. I can’t stop it, and I don’t think I want to.