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my heart is only so big, and there’s only room for one person: James.
This was so sweet and my brain ruined it.
“I told you to talk to James, emotionally, and you fucking sexted him? Here I thought you were grieving, but your shit mood is because you’re a horny man beast!”
I know it was just a mix up, a wrong number, but maybe it’s the right wrong number after all.
Noooo. It's too early in the book for this.
How am I ever going to have sex again if I make tomato jokes when I find a person the least bit attractive? I mean, I can’t be celibate for the rest of my life.
My dick could fall off!
...
Can’t a guy eat a banana without getting the third degree?”
What the hell was that? Is it because my body remembers we sexted?
No, you're gay and he's hot. Now bang eachother's brains out.
When I think of Liam I want…I want to do all the things…
He thinks...I’m cute? I don’t know why that part of the whole day has stuck with me, but it has.
BECAUSE. YOU ARE. UN HOMOSEXUAL. GAY. ALL THE HOMO. YOU LIKE MEN.
I'll remember that one next time I hit on a cute guy at the farmer's market. Um, the next time...he what?
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
My eyes take in his body, which is much like mine.
Sign #1 that I should go to sleep: documentary man voice is reading this and I'm laughing at it.
“I’ll check out this X-Videos app! See if I can find any good books to listen to!”
“I’ve realized that life ends, but love doesn’t. I’ll never stop loving you,” I stammer, my voice trembling. “You were the man I loved when I had you. Liam can be the man I love in a world without you,”
“My heart was half-empty without you here. I’m going to let Liam fill it up again.”
Why the fuck is she acting all fancy? Nope. This isn’t happening.
Let your mother have a love life.
Yes. I got two happily ever afters. I’m the luckiest man in the world.
After that, the only remaining disturbance is to get the human named Jules to stop doing things to get my new human to punish him in their bed. The disturbing moaning that human makes when my human is disciplining him is the stuff of nightmares.
…
