The Right Wrong Number

by Katie Warren

Your absence isn’t quiet. Sometimes it’s the loudest thing on earth. It weighs down on me so heavily that it makes it impossible to breathe.

I know it was just a mix up, a wrong number, but maybe it’s the right wrong number after all.

None of that is true. Yes, James is gone, but I can’t let myself be miserable for the rest of my life. I know he wouldn’t want that for me. It’s time to let myself be happy for me and everyone around me too.

Because evidently, all I do is laugh around this guy. Damnit. Why did he have to be a guy?

And I will. I'd give him anything. All he has to do is ask.

LIAM: Open the fucking door. Open the…? Oh, fuuuck. He’s back? Holy shit. He’s here!

And so fucking what if it’s a man? If someone can make you feel like this, it doesn’t matter. It should never matter. Feeling like this could never be wrong.

Tracing his soft lips, feeling them under my touch makes my brain go haywire. These are the lips I kissed last night, multiple times, and I don’t regret a second of it.

“I don’t know what this is, but what I do know is that it feels right. Everything feels right with you.”

“It’s fine if you’re scared Julian, but don’t take it out on me. Don’t stop this because you’re scared. I’m here for you. I promise I am.”

I wish he could see that I don’t want him to stop loving James. I’m not asking him to stop loving him, I’m asking him to make room for me. I can never take James’ place, and I don’t want to. His grief over the death of his husband comes with him, and I would never try to take that away from him.

I’m not. The way Julian makes me feel when we were texting and when we’re together makes all those things fall to the wayside.

It scares the shit out of me, but I also realize with perfect clarity by the way my body’s reacting that I want this with Julian. I want to give this to him. I want to give him everything there is to give of me.

I might be a little scared, but I know what I want, and I want this with every ounce of my being.

“I’m not scared of this Julian. Why would I want to hide something that feels like...this?”

“No, because for reasons I can’t explain, being with you feels right. How can I freak out when it feels like this is the place that I should absolutely be, with the person I should absolutely be with?”

“Yes. I want to know everything about you, which means I want to know about James too. I want to know all about the person who will always hold a piece of your heart.”

Fuck. I want to give him everything, and I want everything from him.

“Fuck. You feel so good on top of me. Like you belong there,”

I want him. I want him in every way. I want him to bury himself inside me and live there, but I also want his sadness, his hope, his fears. I want every part of him.

“I’m here for you, and I promise I’ll be here whenever you need me. I won’t try to fix you, but I’ll be here to help you make peace with your broken pieces,”

He doesn’t just feel like home. He feels like everything.

“I’m not scared of this. I’m not scared of us,”

“I’ve realized that life ends, but love doesn’t. I’ll never stop loving you,” I stammer, my voice trembling. “You were the man I loved when I had you. Liam can be the man I love in a world without you,”

“My heart was half-empty without you here. I’m going to let Liam fill it up again.”

I have no interest in anyone here. I’m taken, and damn it’s never felt so good.

He’s the man who made me live again. I didn’t find love, it found me. Call it fate, call it destiny, maybe it was written in the stars. Maybe every single moment of my life was meant to lead up to this moment. I don’t know, and I don’t care.