Free Me (Love in the Pacific Northwest, #4)

by Beck Grey

I’m in my forties, and Gilbert’s in his late fifties. When does clubbing become pathetic and sad? I have a sinking feeling we’re there.

There aren’t a ton of men lining up to be in a relationship with someone fabulously gender-fluid. But I refuse to change for anyone. Unfortunately, that translates to a lot of alone time.

‘And I promise if this happens again, I’ll come to the ER. Hopefully this is the only instance, though. I’m in the middle of difficult negotiations with an author who’s a bit of a jerk. Once that’s settled I’ll be back to my normal level of stress.’ I grin, trying to make it a joke, but three sets of eyes stare at me, none with humor in them. ‘Tough room.’

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since that night, and I don’t know whether this is the most incredible instance of serendipity or the absolute worst case of bad luck.

Cripes, I’m salivating like Pavlov’s dog.

That’s why I know Blake’s name. He’s Tadhg’s older stepbrother. Sweet magnolia, I’m so screwed.

I contacted a physio coach Mia suggested. Part of the program is meditation for stress relief.” Her eyes widen. “Shut up! You did not!” Gary clears his throat and tries to stifle a laugh. “Did you just tell your boss to shut up?” She blushes but grins. “Yes. And I stand by my incredulity.”

He jogs away, phone in hand, and I try not to ogle his backside under the thin fabric of his sweats. I definitely ogle his backside, and continue to do so until he disappears from view. Great. So I have two settings today: nervous or horny. Lord love a duck.

Like just about everything in life, gender is a spectrum.” Anyone who says differently can get stuffed.

“I’m here, I’m queer, and I have an amazing rear.”

He engulfs me in his bear hug, and I sigh, leaning into him. “If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you went to the Fraser MacDougall school of hugging.” Human touch is a wonderful thing. I don’t get nearly enough of it.

It’s so obvious they’re besotted with each other, and it’s hashtag couple goals, but it has me a tad envious. I’m never going to have that. I’ve come to terms with it, but there are days like today where knowing that hurts.

“Don’t cry. It all worked out perfectly.” I wave him off. “I’m not crying. I just have emotions in my eyes.”

damn, even unaroused, Stef is... endowed. How in hell did they hide all that under their tiny miniskirt at the club?

Stef from the club, Stef from meditation practice, and Stef, my brother’s friend, are colliding in front of me and I’m at odds over how to react.

I sigh and frown, even though it will give me wrinkles.

She winks at me. “Hi, sweets. How are you?” “Sassy but still classy.

“Hey, Stef. How’s it going?” Gary interrupts our banter, knowing it would only devolve into a mutual one-upmanship of compliments.

“Do we have time? What about your guests?” “I’ll be amazing, and you’ll be fast.” I laugh because that’s something I would say.

I’ve been known to bulldoze over people—completely inadvertently, of course—and I’m trying to do better.

“I’m concerned this is all happening fast. Not worried but concerned. A bit.” And now I’m concerned that he keeps saying ‘concerned.’ “What if we find out we have nothing in common?” I do not roll my eyes, and that should earn me some kind of recognition. This man is going to give me wrinkles before my time.

“We’re glitter and glue, darling. Peanut butter and chocolate.” I grin and nip gently at his mouth. “I get to be the chocolate.” Blake chuckles. “Obviously.”

“We’re french fries and chocolate shakes.” He makes a yuck face and shakes his head. “Wait, that’s just… no.” I gawp at him. “Blake, are you telling me you’ve never tried that?” “Why would I try that? It sounds horrible.” He frowns in disgust. I throw my hands up. “This is thoroughly unacceptable.

On our first date, we’re going somewhere we can order french fries and shakes, and you’re going to try it.” His response is swift and forceful. “That is not where I’m taking you on our first date.” He’s completely ...

“Afterwards, we’ll go for a walk by the water. Maybe kiss under the stars.” He winces. “Too sappy?” I bite my lips so I don’t actually squee out loud. I definitely squee internally, though. “No. Not at all. In fact, it sounds perfect.” “Yeah?” He gives me the sweetest puppy dog eyes, and I’m gone. There is no resisting that. He can never find out or he’ll constantly use it against me.

“Can you please get naked now?” I pout in a way I hope he finds irresistible.

“Would you let me take care of you? Pamper you just a little first?” Is he kidding? Of course I would! I snatch the shampoo from the shower rack and practically hurl it at him before turning around so quickly I’m surprised I don’t wipe out on the wet tile.

I brush my fingertips across his pecs and through the fur of his happy trail, veering off to ghost down his sides. He giggles. He actually giggles, jerking away, grabbing for my hands. “Oh my gods. Blake, are you ticklish?” He latches onto my wrists, trying to pull my hands away from his body while laughing. “Yes, and do not tickle me.” The poor man doesn’t understand what he’s just done.

“Fuck.” His voice is low and almost reverent, like he can’t believe this is happening. How long has it been since someone did this for him? It doesn’t matter, because after I’m done with him he won’t remember any of those others, anyway.

“I’m serious. I want you there with me, and I want you to wear what makes you feel spectacular. If it’s a she/her day, wear a gown if you want. You’d look stunning in one. If you’re feeling he/him, wear a tux, or a suit. I’m equally sure you’ll look fabulous. And if you’re somewhere in between then, I don’t know, wear both.”

“They’ll be big on you, but it’ll be cute as hell.” They roll their eyes and step into them as I’m pulling on my own. “They will look amazing. Everything looks amazing on me.“ Stef winks. “Even you.”

“I’ve waited a long time for you. Please, don’t disappoint me.” I hear the words they actually mean. ‘Don’t hurt me.’

Astrid puts down her brush and squeezes my hand. “You’re perfect just as you are.” “I know.” I turn my hand over in hers, squeezing her back. Erik snorts. “And modest.”

Stef: No. I don’t want to be a bother. I’ll just huddle under my blankets and watch old movies. I think Speed is on Netflix. Me: Ha ha. Not funny. Stef: Ur busy. Keanu will keep me company. Me: I’m not sure if I’m more worried you’ve given your affection to Keanu, or you think Speed is an old movie.

I roll up my cuffs, and Stef groans, crawling up the bed. “No! No fair!” They fling themselves dramatically onto the pillows. “Sleeve rolling! No being sexy while I’m sick. It’s so cruel.”

“Mind if I join you?” I give him a saucy wink. “Of course not. There’s always room for another sexy person at our table.” Blake kisses my cheek, murmuring in my ear. “You’re the sexiest one here, by far.” I nuzzle along his jaw. “It’s not polite to say that myself, so thank you for mentioning it.”

I pat his arm. “But don’t worry, I’m sure they’re great and if you put in the effort, you’ll be famous like Gary in no time.” I smile winningly at him. Is it horrible that I’m having fun? It’s horrible. I’m a bad person.

If it wouldn’t cause a scene and embarrass Blake, I’d slap the look from Gilbert’s face.

“Excuse me.” I take a step back, but Gilbert grabs my arm, pulling me back. “Come on, Stef. I know who you are.” Icy dread freezes me to the spot. Nothing good ever came from a sentence like that. Not from a sleazy guy like Gilbert. I sneer harder than I’ve ever sneered in my life.

“If you do then you’ll go to jail and then later I can’t do that thing you love.” His angry expression changes to confusion and settles on curiously interested. “What thing?” I brush my hand down his lapel. “I don’t know, but when you tell me what thing you’d like, I’ll do it.” He shakes his head, but at least he’s smiling again.

I won’t blame you for jumping ship.” “Fuck that.” Astrid slouches back in her chair, all swagger and spite, and I love her for it. “It won’t happen, but on the extremely remote chance it does, I’ll ride this ship down to Davy Jones’ locker with you.

“Mmm. Dessert first. I approve.” I nip at his bottom lip, tugging gently. “You can have dessert anytime you want, darling.” “But I can’t. You said we had to eat first.” He actually pouts, and I can’t help but laugh.

“I feel the same about you, my love. But you’re getting off track. You were going to tell me everything you want to do to me.” I lean my head to the side and wave for him to continue kissing my neck and talking dirty to me. Thankfully, he can take a hint.