Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas

by Chuck Klosterman

But because we were drunk, the conversation was very loose and slightly flirtatious. And then this woman suddenly tells me that she has a bizarre sexual quirk: she can only have an orgasm if a man watches her masturbate. This struck me as fascinating, so I started asking questions about why this was. And then—somehow—it just sort of happened. I never touched her and I never kissed her, but I ended up watching this woman masturbate. And then I went home and went to bed. And I told Jane about this a few days later, mostly because it was all so weird. But Jane went fucking insane when I told her this, and she angrily said our relationship was over. Now she won’t even return my calls.” Whose side do you take: Jack’s or Jane’s? I have posed this question to myriad people, and the reactions are all vaguely similar. Women almost always think Jane’s rage is completely valid; men generally inquire about the availability of housing in Jack’s hypothetical building. Women usually agree that this offense warrants a breakup, while many men think it merely warrants a tenure in the doghouse. But what’s noteworthy is that—while almost everyone agrees that Jack did something wrong—everyone uses a staunchly different, weirdly personal argument to justify what makes it so bad.