Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas

by Chuck Klosterman

If this distinction seems confusing, just ask your girlfriend to explain it in detail; women have always understood the nemesis-archenemy dichotomy. Every woman I’ve ever known has at least one close friend whose only purpose in life is to criticize their actions, compete for men’s attention, and drive them insane; very often, this is a woman’s best friend. Consequently, females are always able to find the ideal nemesis (usually without even trying). Meanwhile, every woman also has a former friend (usually someone from high school with large breasts) whom she has loathed for years and whom she will continue to loath with the intensity of a thousand suns, even if she only sees her once every ten years. This is her archenemy. Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; males are better at hating things that can’t hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don’t see the big picture.