I Owe You One

by Sophie Kinsella

Grief brought extra lines to her face. I saw it happen. And maybe some people think the lines are ugly, but I see love and life in every one of them.

The love a daughter has for her mother astounds me.

The trouble is, I’m sorry doesn’t power anything. It drags you down. By the end, I could barely get my feet off the ice.

Damned Jackass.

“You,” says Ryan, “are a star.” And he leans over to kiss me in a way that makes my head sing. “An absolute star, Fixie. To Fixie.” He lifts his wineglass and my cheeks glow.

Asshole. He's using you Fixie WAKE UP!!!!!!!!

I’ll get Ryan a job, he’ll love me for it, Jake will be impressed…everyone will be happy!

goddamnit.

Well, I guess we can put sex on hold for a bit. It’s not like I’m desperate. (I am. I am desperate.)

Arrogant ass. He's so into himself it makes me want to slam my head into the wall.

“It all begins here. A whole new start. Fingers crossed, eh, Fixie?” “Fingers crossed.” I nodded, breathless with nerves. Then he smiled and said, “I know you can do it.”

Manipulative Selfish Bastard.

Relying on me. In partnership with me. All the things I’ve so desperately wished for.

USING YOU.

yeah he needs something from you!

Mock our ethos. Derail every meeting he goes to. Name-drop us all to death, fail to complete a single one of the assignments I actually gave him…and start sleeping with not one but two members of my staff! Not one, but two!”

HAAAAAAAA. I fucking knew he was a pig.

Ryan wasn’t playing pool. He was with other women.

I FUCKING CALLED IT.

“He went to catch a train. He’s staying with his cousin in…Leicester?”

Low blow man... Lowwwwww blow.

“That’s what I want,” says Seb, and there’s something about his voice and the way he’s looking at me that sends a sudden tremor through me.

Mmmmmm gurl. Damn.

“You’ve got a good heart,”

What the heck? Is Jake going to be an actual person for once in his privileged life?

“Humans have a far greater instinct for what’s right in life than lawyers do.”

“Yeah, well,” I say, and give Briony exactly the same pitying look that she gave me in the hospital. “I kind of think if you’re not going to do it properly, you shouldn’t even try?”

yaaaaaaassssssss queennnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Although, actually, what more-momentous instant is there in life than being in bed with the person you feel is right? Really, really right? As these thoughts pass through my head, I suddenly feel light-headed, almost scared. Because he is right for me. He is, he is.

I swivel slowly on my heel, and there he is. Ryan Chalker. As handsome as ever, wearing a black shirt and trousers, standing next to a pop-up stall covered in pots of face cream.

Oh Lord Jesus please give me strength.

But maybe I was lucky, I find myself thinking. We’ve all got to have some kind of failure in life, and I had mine early. I got back on my feet. I learned that failing doesn’t mean you are a failure; it just means you’re a human being.

‘Do an honest day’s work, sleep an honest night’s sleep.’

But what can you do about mistakes except think, Won’t do that again, and move forward?