Lazarus Rises (amongst other things)

by Berklie Novak-Stolz

Hope is not a creature that has gone extinct.

I have always loved red clay, but resent it in this moment. It is the last thing that you will ever touch. What a profound honor for dirt.

"The scar I left you, what does it feel like?" and my answer will ring out across the years that once separated us “Like love.” I will say, “It feels an awful lot like love."

You cannot kill what can never die.

I cannot help but to think Of how Lazarus must have felt, Now that I know Of the intensity of the grave. Of how it is not left behind, After you have risen and relinquished.

He was not a hero Nor a god Nor a symbolic sacrifice Icarus was a boy. Who felt once the heat of the sun on his skin And forevermore the chill of the sea in his lungs.

I when once young dreamed of wings But now I have grown into my lead-laden feet

We Love bravely and brashly with battered and bartered hearts housed in broken and burdensome bruise brim-top-full bodies in hopes that one day someone will stumble upon our wretched Gloria in Excelsis-filled ruins stupefied and pondering. Ever reverential What was housed here if not courageousness in excess? What once called these halls home if not reckless Love in abundance?

I have learned a lack of noise does not mean an abundance of quiet it means there is something missing. And currently? The silence is screaming in its triumph in taking up space without having to exist.

I am still Icarus And you are still the sun.

There is no light left here. All the warmth has fled and yet I remain with arms crossed around myself, partly to stave off the cold you made and partly to contain the heart you broke.

There is no good here. And my every atom screams for turned-backs and tucked-tails and heavy-footed clumsy escape. Rather than migrate South I stubbornly stay. I will light fires in your wake. Where I cannot find good, I must make it. Where there is no warmth, I must create it. So with gritted-teeth and gutted-body, I set fire to every last wretched thing.

Today feels like yesterday and yesterday felt like the day before and all my you-less days feel the same

Love is everywhere. Even when you aren’t looking.

I didn’t know how many words I had in me until you left. I didn’t know how many I needed. How many I was missing. How many I was looking for. I didn’t know a lot of things until you left. And now I think I know less.

Misery loves company, not because Misery is greedy Rather, Misery is lonely. And so when our Misery sees another, we rejoice Not because we revel in the pain of others But because we know we are no longer alone Because being human and being alone is an exceptionally difficult task Because we need to be reminded We are not the only ones.

We try because we must. We try because we are human. We try because sometimes it is the only thing that can be done.